The Restricted Zone (In Love We Trust II)

Chapter 7

Kau'ai

For the past two weeks, Brandon  I mean uh lil bibby or w.e  and I have been catching up. I told him everything and I mean everything. I felt like I could trust him plus I've been bottling all my tea I could probably should start producing for profit. Ha ha? No? okay plus I had to tell him I was pregnant before he starts trying to ram his peter wacker somewhere. I don't think he really cared much but it got him to back off a little bit.  He even knows about my first unfortunate pregnancy. I mean he was my childhood friend He was suppose to be my first love, my homie lover friend or w.e. My ride or die, Scratch the Bonnie and Clyde though because Bonnie was stupid for being loyal to Clyde if you ask me. That's probably why no one asked me I tend to ruin the perfect love story with the truth. No one appreciates honesty anymore.  I probably should have been honest with my dad from the jump like  If I'm honest with myself I will be able to live with myself. I mean the truth is you can't get embarrassed when you die which is the same reason why people lie, why people hide.  But any who don't mind me I talk like I smoke weed.  I'm tight got that Natural High ....ha-ha

Millz ... wtf are you thinking about?.

Wait huh? sup lil nigga, bibby or w.e

 Are you high? Have you been in the stash?

 Wh- What stash oh so you a d-boy now?

Uh yeah you know this isn’t no secret, you high or nah 

Of course I'm not high I’m just lost in my thoughts  

Oh so what you thinking about?  

 You know just rambling.. I miss Jaques

So talk to him?

You really want me to talk to him?

He is the child's father so talk to him see if he about what he talking about has he hit you up?

He actually stopped texting me just recently 

He prolly got tired of you not responding 

Maybe so.... but then again I don't think that's the case 

And how would you know? Why do you women think y'all know what goes on inside our heads?

 I mean why would he stopped texting me now.... the day I got kicked out it just doesn't add up

 I guess, I'm about to hit the block when I get back we're going to get something to eat 

Little did I know He wouldn't be returning that night....?

Later that night

Carnell

I’m sitting here in my thoughts as my legs hang off the bridge above those muddy waters. I let her down. I thought I had it all figured out. I’m going to be a grandfather I’m too young to be a grandfather she’s only 16. I thought I removed all those problems. She thought I didn’t know about that guy who raped her but I did I beat him to a bloody pulp and watched him as he took his last breath.  Sounds cold huh? Not as cold as the winds surrounding me, not as cold as this 40 flowing down my throat, not as cold as the dark purple waters below me and the coldest here is these twin berettas I’m toying with in my hands. I take a deep breath, place them on both temporal lobes and close my eyes….

This cold barrel feels good right next to my head. I can't do this. I can't do this without you Jordin. Why did you leave us? Why did you leave me?  If I tried my best to make it up to you would you still be here? You didn't let me get to explain, let me tell you I'm sorry. We could have been a family. Why Jordin, Why?  Places finger on the trigger...

Jordin: Carnell, Do you really want to do this?

Jordin: Carnell Do you really want to do this?

Do you really want to do this?

Want to do this?

Do this …this…this…fades

_____________________________

Carnell????

….. Carnell What the hell are you doing??

Am I paranoid? Why am I hearing voices? I didn’t smoke a Woola today

No you aren’t paranoid dumbass …

Yo this is wild maybe I should stop smoking while I can…

Then I look up and I see...Jor...din (speech slurs) Jordin!

 Why are you on this bridge? Why are you so stupid? Why do you have on cargo shorts and a short sleeve shirt on and it’s February oh yeah you’re Stupid!

 Wait there are two of you? Did y’all go to Hell?

No!  But you will be... I’m Serenity btw

I have to look up to see Hell anyway

Oh Hell is far worse look ….turning the black waters into a deep fiery pit then changing it back

Carnell: screams

 See you don’t really want to go but what’s really wrong with you?

Jordin: yeah why did you kick our daughter out of the house?

Carnell: She’s pregnant... I failed her, I failed you

Jordin: have you even checked on her?

Carnell: no

Serenity: of course you didn’t because you niggas and your damn pride

Carnell: well I know y’all didn’t go to Heaven so where did y’all go

Serenity:  You need more than my words, I should pistol whip yo ass… I’m sure I will get a pass when I get back to the gate

Carnell:  why haven’t you …?

Serenity: we aren’t allowed to touch yo punk ass

Jordin: Ren I got this … Well fyi our daughter is safe for now…

Carnell: what do you mean for now?

Jordin: There is a storm coming her way, she needs you   and I’ve noticed this isn’t about her … It’s about you … You feel guilty.  All your secrets and lies over the years.  You feel guilty about the choices you made.  You been going in and out of Kau’ai’s   life she is a good kid and stays out of trouble. No matter how absent you were she looked up to you. She was raped and didn’t invite anyone else in till she fell in love and when you fall in love things happen. She just happened to get pregnant and what did you do? You shooed her away instead of embracing her.   She’s young she needs her father to teach her how to love, what she deserves and what she shouldn’t tolerate from a man.  She needs Laith. You need Laith. Stop giving Laith the run around you love her but you keep fighting... Why can’t you allow yourself to be healed? Instead you choose to gamble, sleep with randoms, and smoke your life away, cocaine Carnell.. you turned to smoking crack. 

Carnell: I only been smoking for about a month, it’s usually just weed

Jordin: It doesn’t matter the only way you won’t fail our daughter and yourself if you be a Man. Stop being a punk 

Serenity…ass

Jordin: Take responsibility for your actions and be honest with these gifts and blessings that have been brought in to your life.  You should start by having a relationship with your daughter Zhané.

Carnell: wait  she's not my daughter, Where are  y’all going?

Jordin: going to meet our daughter

Carnell…

Jordin: I love you. You can do this. I still believe in you.

Serenity: besides you can’t do anything without these … throwing the magazines in the river

Zhané ---->