The Restricted Zone (In Love We Trust II)

Chapter 11

 Carnell 

"Once you know who you are, you don't have to worry anymore." -Nikki Giovanni

 Well for starters, Who am I?

 Me I am. I am Me. I am who I say I am .

 I am Carnell. I may not be my lastname, but I am me. I may not be who people think I am but I am he.   I am a liar, a cheater, a user, an abuser, a man, a lover, not a fighter but a thinker. I am a child of God. I am a believer. I am imperfect. I am human. I am honest and reliable but most of all I am me.

Now, how can I be all these things for it does sound contradicting.

 I was born to a  young woman who wasn't expecting me. I was an  obstacle in her life and she didn't know what to do with me.  I was a problem  and  It was solved by her leaving me. I never met her and I never seen her nor do I want to.

 I am a bastard. I know who my father is, but still I am a bastard. I am an orphan. I am a man who grew up not knowing how to love because I never knew what love was. Not until I met Jordin, see, she was everything I ever wanted and everything I ever needed. Jordan was love. Jordin is love.  I didn't treat Jordin right all the time but I loved Jordin.  See love is not perfect but it's imperfections are perfectly alright with me. 

Jordin left me  but she left something with me. Someone. Kau'ai Camille who taught me a different kind of love. See I would never do what my parents have done to me. Yet I did. I left her in the midst of the troubling storm in her life. Where is her peace? I was suppose to be her king, her daddy, her papa, her  protector. But I pushed her away because I didn't know what to do I was angry yet I wanted to hug her and tell her that everything is going to be okay.   I know in my heart evverything will be okay , that is what God is telling me.  I also have to get up and do what I need to do, do what I never done before, stand up  for what is right or rather what I believe in. I need to clean up this house of mine for I have alot of work to do. I can't be the man I want to be. but instead I need to be the man I need to be. I need to fix my life.  Defeat all these battles I  have been fighting inside all my life. 

 Zhane': my troubled "daughter" as Jordin revealed to me . What is her story? Why is she so angry?

Laith: my soulmate, I mean have you ever loved someone so much that it hurts but you are so scared to get close because you don't want to hurt them? 

Kau'ai: my blood. We have never had a strain in our relationship and nor should we ever have one. 

I need to finish what my friends have lost their lives for. I must defeat my biggest enemy, my blood,  I'm the day and he is the night , in other words, my brother.

 this is short but it answers a few of your questions  and things to look forward to. I will try to update more soon .