Side Effects

Friends

The concept of friends has become somewhat lost to me. What is a friend? A person who helps someone, or makes them feel better? I'm not entirely sure, but I slowly realize that there is no such thing as a TRUE friend. There will always be that one thing that puts someone off, and that one thing you do to make them hate you. You may not think anything of it, and they may not even say anything. People will most often not even say anything if they dislike you or something you've said or done, but I hear it. I hear their dislike, their disapproval, their hatred before it even happens. That is the gift of paranoia and the others, it ruins the magic of friendships with its disillusionment. The realization that people have no reason to be kind means that there are often if not always ulterior motives. I mean, think about it next time you do I kind thing.

Say, your friend needs advice. You offer to help them, but not just to help a friend. You do it to secure their friendship, to make them trust you, or to improve your general reputation with that person. Some people do kind actions or give donations to receive that "good feeling" afterward of doing something nice. Is that any different than chasing a high? There are always reasons that people are kind to you, and not just because they have your well-being first in their mind.

I have to deal with these whispers constantly, choosing who to trust and choosing my friends based on who can benefit the most from me. The more a person can benefit or exploit a personalty trait or talent from you the  more the bond will form. This bond is close friendship, but on the bottom line what is it? A dependency. They become used to the person and get uncomfortable when that person is no longer there.

Maybe that's what friends are supposed to be, resource that has to be managed and used. I would say that the potential for "friend farming" is insane but social media platforms make this a very plausible idea. The clockwork nature of sending friend requests to people you barely know to increase your friend count is becoming more regular. People with high friend counts are praised and are almost treated as if they are rich. People are a currency in this social system and the rich get richer.

Why do I have to see it this way? No, I hear it this way. The others will not let me forget how it actually is. They constantly remind me that friends are fake, promises are broken and that bonds are pointless. I ignore them, but giving them time I have begun to realize yet again, that everything that they say is coming true. They subtly point out the conflicts beneath the surface, wars between people that are left unspoken. There are people who are considered friends, who are just waiting for the other to slip up. So many of those people have bonded to me, and its only a matter of time before the others let the war ensue. Because in the end, what is a friend?