The library was quiet which allowed me to focus as I turned the thin pages of my book. The small rustling of the pages was all I could hear in the nearly empty room. Fifth period was my favorite because I had an off period and spent my time reading or catching up on homework in the library. But today I could hardly focus on my book so I had to continuously read the same passages over and over until I finally realized I wasn't going to accomplish anything. I groaned and sat my book down on the table. I pulled out my phone and saw a small text bubble on the lit screen.
B
Thinkin about you today
I involuntarily smiled. I slid my phone open and was about to type when the three typing bubbles popped onto the screen. I watched as they began to appear and disappear only to reappear making me anxious as to why he had to think so hard about what to say.
B
How are you feeling
My stomach dropped, he knew I hated that he kept asking. It had been 2 months since I sat in the small waiting room reading pamphlets with titles such as, are you sure? And know your options. It smelled like cheap cleaning supplies and the only decorations were some posters of smiling babies that looked straight out of a cheap magazine you don't even remember buying a subscription to. He wanted to come but I made sure to just get it done without telling him, I didn't want to be a distraction plus had he been there I might have changed my mind and I was not ready for that.
Me
Brandon I told you I'm fine.
I rolled my eyes and locked my phone more aggressively than necessary. I collected all my books and rushed to my locker. The hallways were empty besides the occasional person heading to the bathroom or going through their locker. 1365. The fading lettering sat on top of my locker which I struggled to open. When I finally managed to pull open the cheap metal I shoved my papers into the shelves. I slammed the door and decided to just walk around for my remaining 30 minutes before lunch.
My favorite place to go when I needed to think was the sports fields, I sat on the tall bleachers and watched as the gym class ran laps around the track. The coach sat on a tall chair that looked like it was for a lifeguard and sipped some drink out of a huge soda cup. But I doubted it was soda by the way he slightly cringed with every sip. If I had to yell at sweaty kids all day I guess I'd say drink too. I felt my phone continue to vibrate in the back pocket of my jeans. I was trying my best to not imagine what Brandon was typing but I had little control over my thoughts. I finally got sick of the noise of my buzzing phone against the metal bleachers. Brandon's contact name was displayed and I couldn't stop myself before I slid open to answer the call. It was fuzzy but his voice came across clearly.
"Audrey?" I let out an annoyed sigh.
"No it's just her phone." I felt bad as soon as I could feel him sadden against the phone.
"Are you mad?" He asked. I didn't have a real reason to be but I was.
"I guess," I replied. Now he let out a little sigh.
"I'm sorry, I just wish I had been with you." Now I was feeling guilty.
"I know but it was easier for me to go alone," I noticed I hadn't really talked to him about what happened. And I wasn't about to have our first conversation about the subject be over the phone.
"I think we should talk about this in person," I offered.
"I agree." His response was short and sweet. With that I hung up and while I knew we hadn't accomplished anything I felt loads better. The timing was also perfect because the bell rang for lunch immediately after I clicked my phone off.
At lunch we didn't accomplish much, Zoe was mad and Ruby just seemed excited to see Nick which rubbed off on me and now I was practically on the edge of my seat waiting for Brandon to come back. I think my nerves overshadowed how much I really wanted to see him.
It just happened that today I didn't have volleyball practice so I was awarded with a free afternoon which I planned on spending doing my homework and probably watching random YouTube videos. When I finally got out of school the parking lot was nearly empty and my 4Runner sat in its parking space looking lonely. I scrambled with my full backpack into the front seat and dropped it onto the passenger seat with all my papers spilling out of the pockets. I drove home listening to PRETTYMUCH and enjoying the sound of Brandon's voice but still wishing he was next to me talking about anything. I'd honestly listen to him talk about his studio equipment which was the most boring topic in the world to me, as long as he was actually talking to me in person. When I pulled into my driveway I noticed that my moms car was gone which meant I was on my own tonight. On the fridge she left me a note that told me to walk Bear and take care of dinner because she'd be home late.
By the time I finished walking the dog and cooking myself some mediocre pasta it was around 7 so I sat on my bed and forced myself to open my math book. I was able to finish that and move into my reading. I was about a chapter into Macbeth when I heard the faint noise of feet on my porch. I laid down my book and waited for the sound of my mom clicking open the door to resonate. Instead 3 knocks sounded from the door. I sluggishly hopped off my bed ready to be annoyed at whoever would be at my door at 8 o'clock. I put my hand on the cold door knob and opened to see black jeans and a white T-shirt standing in front of me. The black framed glasses and big smile made me let out a small little squeal that I regretted right after. He lifted me up into a big hug.
"I missed you." He said softly into my ear giving me a patch of goosebumps on my neck.
"I thought you came back in a week," I said once he put me down.
"Tour ended early and I wanted to surprise you," my smile stretched from ear to ear. He moved his hand and tucked my straight blonde hair behind my ear letting it hover a little longer than need be. I grabbed his hand and led him into my room. I began to attack his lips with mine and was startled when I felt him pull away.
"What's wrong?" I asked. I looked up at his face and I saw a sad look flash across his eyes.
"I think we should talk about it," my chest tightened. I knew it was coming but I thought I had a week to prepare.
"Ok what do you have to say about it?" Was all I could think to say.
"Honestly?" He asked making my palms sweat nervously. I nodded.
"I wish you hadn't gotten the abortion." I stopped breathing and I just stared at him. Neither of us said anything and I couldn't pinpoint how I was feeling, I think there was some guilt with some anger and sadness plus confusion thrown in. I had nothing to say.
"So what now?" He finally spoke in a crackly voice. And I truthfully had no fucking idea.
Little rough but what can ya do....
