The Cameraman & The Assistant

My Story..

I don't know why I'm doing this.

But I promise I'll put up a chapter after this.

I used this song because, it explains or helps explain how I've been feeling.
It's currently 12am, and another night of ptsd, where I'm crying my heart out.

If you're confused let me explain, I've had a fucked up past. But this past year has been the worst for many reasons.

In January, my grandmother lost her battle to cancer and I began to become depressed very depressed. But that's not where I got the ptsd from.

In December of 2017, I met someone who I fell in love with. He became my best friend and the love of my life. And I loved him so much.

And after my grandma Died, he changed for the worst.

On February 3rd after my grandma's viewing, we went back to my dorm and I was sad. And he slammed me against the wall hard. And proceeded to have sex with me.. when I wasn't wanting To. And that was the first time he hit me.

It continued, to get worse. He would scream at me, hit me and force me to so stuff that I didn't want to do.
And if I tried to leave him he would threaten to kill himself and I became depressed.

And started to self harm and purge.
I hated myself, I hated living I wanted to die.

On April 4th 2018, I finally told my best guy friend what was happening to me. And well, that was after I came back from my boyfriend's house with scars and bruises on my face and body.

He helped me leave him, and my family friends and roommate found out.

And I was broken, the school tried to help me but I was broken to the core.
And I kept cutting, I stopped going to class, and my grades slipped from January till I left him.

I lost who I was, I left well transferred the college i stayed at.
And now I'm starting a new one in 4 weeks.

But I wrote this book, because Shane kept me alive. Besides other things, when I was in the relationship I didn't laugh at all. I felt nothing, but Shane, Garett, Ryland, Morgan, and Andrew helped me get away and laugh.

And I hope one day I tell them this. But since then I've been almost four months clean from purging and cutting. But I have pretty bad ptsd, and anxiety. And I'm scared around people.

I'm learning to be brave, and strong.

I got back on the dating sites, to hopefully. Find someone again, and seeing if I could handle it. I've done good so far.

It's getting easier slowly, but there are nights like tonight where I feel. Worthless.

If any of you who are reading this, have been through an abusive relationship/ are in. Selfharm are depressed, or suicidal. I love you it will be okay, and my inbox is always open.

I'm going to try to sleep and I will update two chapters tommorow morning

I love you guys

Stay strong

-H