look and listen

3

minghao has a hard time distinguishing his feelings for soonyoung. he can't tell if he loves the way he smiles, the way his hair feels between his fingers, the way his hands feel in his, or if he only tolerates it. he can't tell if he loves the way soonyoung watches him with wide eyes and an open mouth as he plays violin, or if he hates it. minghao can't tell if he loves being soonyoung's friend, or if he yearns for something more.

"minghao, i don't think i'm ever going to get better at violin," soonyoung whines as he bursts into minghao's room after his lesson.

minghao pulls his headphones from his head and spins around in his chair, arms crossed. soonyoung lays down on the bed, resting his chin in his hands and looking toward minghao with a pout on his face.

"who cares if you don't improve? maybe music just isn't for you."

"that's the thing!" soonyoung sits up. "i love music more than anything, you know i'm always singing and dancing in the halls, it embarrasses the heck out of you. why couldn't my mom have gotten me dance lessons or something?"

minghao frowns. "it doesn't embarrass me when you sing and dance at school."

"your face always goes red, and you shove me away and tell me to stop," soonyoung laughs, and minghao's heart aches. "that doesn't sound like you aren't embarrassed."

"you're just drawing attention to me, which i'm not used to," minghao stands and moves to sit beside soonyoung. "everyone comes and talks to you now, and people are looking at me and wondering who the hell i am. i'm just not used to it."

oh," soonyoung murmurs. his fingers twirl and twist in his lap. "i'm sorry, i didn't know that."

"you don't have to apologise, soonyoung. i just never told you," minghao rests his head on soonyoung's shoulder, allowing his eyes to fall shut. "i love it when you sing and dance. makes me happy."

soonyoung says nothing, resting his head on top of minghao's and sighing. they sit in silence and minghao feels soonyoung's hand sneak to rest upon his, fingers intertwining. minghao's heart hammers in his chest, and he worries momentarily that soonyoung can hear it. nevertheless, he closes his eyes again and feels his heartbeat between his fingers. or is it soonyoung's? he squeezes his hand and lets a small smile play on his lips.

"minghao?" soonyoung's voice startles minghao out of his thoughts. 

"yes?"

"can you play something for me?"

 the two lean away from each other, and minghao looks at the elder with narrow eyes. "are you kidding me right now?"

soonyoung's cheeks go pink. "well, if you don't want to that's totally fine, i just-"

"you talk too much," minghao release soonyoung's hand and stands up, reaching for his violin. "what do you want me to play?"

"what's that one piece you always play? it's really pretty."

minghao thinks for a moment. "oh, the piece by dvorak?' soonyoung stares at him blankly. "you have no idea what i'm talking about. okay, i'm just going to play."

soonyoung smiles big and bright and pulls his legs onto the bed. crossing them. minghao clears his throat and brings the instrument up, settling it onto his collarbone. he closes his eyes and begins to play. the vibrations run through his fingers and into his chest, making him shudder, but he doesn't stop playing. he can feel soonyoung's eyes on him, and even through his closed eyes, he can see the smile on his face.

when the song ends and minghao opens his eyes, soonyoung is still looking at him. he has a dumb smile on his face that shows his braces and hides his eyes. minghao's heart aches for the second time in ten minutes. soonyoung continues to watch him as he sets his violin down and makes his way back to his bed.

"can i ask why you're still looking at me?" minghao laughs, only half joking. "i stopped playing."

soonyoung smiles again and lays back, covering his eyes with his forearm. "you look really pretty when you play," minghao's face goes up in flames. "but i just realised you still look pretty when you're not playing."

minghao feels like slitting off the bed and disappearing into the floor. "you're delusional." he's thankful soonyoung is still covering his eyes.

"and you're pretty."

soonyoung knows exactly what his feelings for minghao are.