Our Little Cliché

1. Were You Trying to Find Love or Start World War III?

"Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?"

I glanced up from my tea and my vanilla cupcake, raising an eyebrow at the man who was stupid enough to come bother me while I was on break. 

“You don’t really think that I’m here for the speed dating, do you?” I set my cupcake down on the table, making sure that no one was close enough to bump into the precious treasure. “And if I was let me tell you now, that pick-up line will get you a one way ticket to forever alone land.”

His face fell. I’ll admit that he did have some good qualities about him. His blond hair was done in a presentable manner and his eyes were still bright and eager, but the rest of his clothing had been pulled at and pulled at neurotically, I was willing to bet that he was a nail biter as well. I sighed, curse my internal goodness.

“First off, no slouching. You can’t get any girl if you’re looking at their feet- have a little confidence and at least look em in the eye. You got to go in there, make a good impression and leave them wanting more! This. Is. Speed-dating!” They should’ve cast me in the movie 300 Lonely-Hearts, I would love to dramatically deliver that line before shoving some poor soul into the mosh pit frenzy of excited lonely-hearts. Casualties are guaranteed, but hey they don’t say all’s fair in love and war for nothing.

I collapsed back into my chair, watching as the man crashed into some other lonely guest, a shy girl with doe eyes who blushed in his arms.

“Aww love at first sight,” the cashier cooed. I turned to shoot a glare towards the brunette. She was hungry. And not in the same way I was seriously craving some cupcakes. She could’ve jumped into the line of speed daters and no one would have known better.

“It’s bullshit. I came here to eat my cupcake, not work.” I bit into the cupcake, savoring the sweet goodness. “Oh yea. That’s the only love I need in my life. The sweet goodness of a well baked cupcake.”

“Karma Lachance! You are a young, beautiful woman in the prime of your life!”

“I feel like a piece of juicy steak when you say prime like that. Great now I’m craving prime rib.” I took a sip of my tea, and tried to ignore Elena’s protests.

“Hell you’re a matchmaker for Heaven’s sake, aren’t you even going to try finding your perfect match?”

“I’ve found it,” I declared, interrupting her spiel. “It’s this cupcake. We’re in love. You’re not invited to the wedding if you keep acting like a spoilsport- got that Elena?”

“You can’t marry a half-eaten cupcake.”

I pulled my eyes off Elena and put them on the cupcake instead. “Shh, don’t listen to the naysayer. She’s just jealous we’re in love. Though… I guess I’m a sloppy kisser.” I petted the chunk of cupcake I’d decimated earlier. “Sorry babe.” I planted a kiss on the cupcake. I could practically feel Elena’s grey-blue eyes boring a hole into me and I laughed, picking a piece of the half eaten cupcake off and flicking it at her.

“What’s got your panties in a twist? Besides if it’s that time of month then you can just grab some chocolate from the kitchen and eat it, ya?” I laughed as she started turning red, and I bit into the cupcake again- resisting the urge to let out a little moan at the taste. This folks, this is what I lived for right here.

“I-I am an employee! I can’t just do that!”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Hey, just say I snuck down and stole a piece, they’d buy it.”

“Weren’t you endorsing a diet?” Elena asked as she propped her elbow on the table, staring longingly at the Speed Daters.  I nearly choked on my cupcake. I had to down a good amount of tea to dislodge the bit of cupcake still in my throat.