*Before you read this, I wanted to thank v123m17 for the AMAZINGG book cover(: And secondly to the new editor((:**
Chapter One
What are you doing Raven?! You know you shouldn't think of him right now. I continue to lay in the dark with my covers carelessly slung around me.
It has been four whole days since I last talked to Mike. I know I'm probably just being overly dramatic but I miss him like crazy! My mind wanders to him when I'm not doing anything. I wonder what he is doing, how his day has been, what he cooked for whatever meal has passed. I am an utter wreck-- emotionally and mentally.
I remember before Mike and I became an item, I would run every morning during the summer or in the afternoons after school. But now, with my mom's cooking and not enough exercise, I don't even want to see a scale. Let alone stand on one and see the numbers fly by the little arrow that always mocks me. And my anxiety? Don't get me started. I hate not knowing how my health is doing because of my own decisions.
Hearing my phone buzz on it's charger cuts me out of my thoughts. I slowly reach over for it, trying to be optimistic about the late-night texter. Deep down I know it would be another tweet notification from Twitter, or another poke as a result of an endless poke war on Facebook.
I press the home button gently, my phone lighting up as a notification from Twitter comes to life. Unlocking my phone, a new tweet from some unknown person appears on the screen:
"@GirlsCodeBook: Sometimes it's better to break down in tears and show some emotion, than to keep it all inside and not tell a single soul."
My eyes start to tear up and my throat starts to close. I've always bottled my emotions, ever since I was a little girl. Although it seems I cry more often now than when I was five. Perhaps it's because of all the romance movies straight out of Hollywood that makes falling for someone older-- someone who has their freedom-- "all that". But sometimes, I think it's deeper than that. Sometimes I think that Mike just ignores me... doesn't care enough to find five measly minutes to text me good morning, or to ask about my day. Shaking myself, I try to derail my train of thought before I let my blood boil. It has never happened before but I know how I would react... and it wouldn't be pretty.
Lately I have found that I get even more upset when people comment and tell me how I'm so mature for my age. I know it's silly, but I just want to tell them to shut up and quit assuming I have my life together. Instead I give them a sweet smile and a change of subject. I guess they think I'm being modest or shy, but it's the fact that people just don't know the real me.
I carefully adjust the blanket and turn on my side, hearing my phone buzz again. This time the vibration is longer and it repeats itself. I flip my phone up to see it's Mike calling. I slowly exhale, noticing I have been holding my breath as my heart thunders in my chest. My blood suddenly chills and my anxiety flares.
I accept the call and wait a few seconds before answering with a husky, "Hello." My step mother always says I have talent, but this acting is priceless and poker-faced.
"Were you asleep?"
I made a snort sound before exhaling loudly, "I wad trying..."
"Look, I'm sorry I haven't called you lately--" His voice trails off.
I make a long "mhm" sound, dragging it out. Willing him to keep talking. Talking about anything in the world, as long as I get to hear his voice.
"I had to drive to Alabama for work, and when I got there I realized I left my phone at home."
I roll my eyes but don't make any more obnoxious sounds, "So how are you talking to me now?"
"Hm? Oh, I got a new phone this morning and I finally figured out how to turn it on." Knowing Mike and his nonexistent technology skills, it sounded plausible.
"Why were you in Alabama?" I keep that husky sound in my voice, making little groaning sounds here and there to make it sound like I am stretching.
"A guy called looking for a vintage Pepsi-Cola hat. I know a guy in Georgia that had a few." Mike is currently studying to be a Realtor, though he currently does a little of the... Honestly, I have no idea what to call it.
I decide to lower my voice, suddenly remembering that Alabama is a touchy subject. "Did you see your dad?"
Mike got quiet. I already knew the answer but I had to hear it from him. "Yeah," Mike cleared his throat, I knew he was trying to be strong. "The doctor says he has a high risk of failure now."
I mutter a quiet apology. My heart instantly feels heavier as guilt makes it way through my body. I wish I could make him feel better. But the only thing that would do something is my arms tight around him, whispering soft and sweet words in his ear.
"Well, thanks for calling, go get some sleep. I will talk to you tomorrow." My eyes start to droop as I produce a legit yawn.
"I love you sweetie, more than you know. Good night."
I sigh, finally finding warmth under my blankets. "I love you too... Good night."
Pressing the end button and connecting my phone back to it's charger, I find a soft spot on my pillow and close my eyes. Slowly drifting into an unsatisfying, dreamless sleep.
