Conversations With Myself

Chapter 4: Endless

Chapter 4:Endless

I groaned, the alarm clock ringing in my ear making me hit it to stop. I laid there staring at the ceiling. Do I really have to get up? I barely sleep as it is.

I grumbled knowing the answer. I grabbed a change of clothes putting them on quickly. I through on a over-sized plain grey pullover with black tights slipping on black and white sneakers. I left my hair out not caring how messy it was.

I took a seat on my bed in front of the long mirror on the wall. I stared at myself not only taking note of my dull tired eyes but, how my face looked drained. I twisted the silver key necklace that hovered on my neck everyday since I got it. I can't open it.

My gaze which to the closest door before letting out a frustrated cry. I grabbed the picture on my nightstand, the one I stare at every single day now.

"I can't do it" I cried, tears falling down my face but, I didn't have the energy to swept away

I'm tired of this never ending pain of guilt choking me,eating me up, and pulling me into such a deep dark hole that I can't climb out of.

I feel it every fucking day, I'm paying the price of what I did and it's my fault.

I looked up staring at myself emotionlessly in the mirror. Pathetic. Useless. A Disgrace.

"Those three words describe me perfectly" tears started to unroll down my face before I knew it I was sobbing silently again like yesterday... and the day before then and the day before that. It became a cycle that never will stop repeating itself...ENDLESS

IT Should've been me

I heard a two sets of tiny and heavy footsteps around the second floor moving quickly around.

I quickly cleaned myself up still noticing my eyes were puffy but still walking out of my room only to be greeted with Mason screaming running behind me between my legs Nick hot on his tail with drawings all over his face.

"PROTECT ME DREA" Mason yelled giggling

"YOU EVIL TINY HUMAN" Nick yelled furiously trying grab Mason from behind and between.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away" Mason pouted with his puppy dogs eyes stepping away from me his hands held high in surrender. His face was flushed from all the screaming and the running he did around the house.

"Oh no, I'm falling for that again this time there's gonna be punishment" Nick smiled mischievously laughing grabbing Mason and pulling him over his shoulder.

"Let me guess Tickle Of Terror" I asked rubbing my eyes that felt like they were on fire.

"Are you okay? Your eyes are puffy" his light eyes filled with concern looking over my face.

"I'm good Nick it's just allergies" I lied forcing a smile already telling it didn't reach my eyes turning my gaze to the floor slightly.

"We're talking after school" He sent me a stern look before walking fast taking Mason to his room.

I sighed loudly. What a Great Start to my Day already....

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"You never texted me back" Zaria said with a raised eyebrow popping up at my side as soon as walked in the building.

"I'm sorry I was taking care of mason, we ended up having food fight in the kitchen that was already messy enough." I groaned remembering cleaning the kitchen.We reached my locker I put in my combination,I opened my locker slowly taking out my books.