The Seahorse and the Spice 🪼🎩✔

24: I Would Die For You

I'm glad that I saved Bastion from whatever Sophia thought she was going to do with him. She really is a stupid girl. The whole ordeal was preposterous and completely childish. I don't understand women who don't understand what a rake is. Seriously, if I were a family man (back then) then I would have courted her properly. Wooing a woman and then just saying goodbye is a romp, a pleasure, a passing fancy; it doesn't bind forever. I'm trying to understand how hard that is to figure out. Then again, all I can really do is think nowadays.
It's been a week or so since we actually got Bastion back and I've been at the end of my rope. The coughing is continual and I can't stop shaking. I feel like I'm made of only skin and bones and I know that if I tried to put some clothing on I would look silly, like a young boy trying to play dress up as his father. I'm glad that whatever Sophia thought she was going to wish for didn't happen or I would probably either be dead or in even worse shape than I am... if that were possible.
I wish that I could get better but I know I can't. I can't just tell Minerva to stop loving Andrew because I wanted to save her. In this world, this time, she loves Andrew because she has been courting Andrew. She doesn't know me...
I coughed hard and could feel the blood climbing up my throat. I put the sheet over my mouth, although that didn't really do much for me. The sheet was soaked through almost immediately and I decided that I should get another chamber pot just for the coughing up of blood. I think the maids were getting angry at trying to scrub out the blood in the white sheets.
There was a knock on the door and I turned, seeing Father come in. For some reason he's been hanging around even more as of late. Although I do appreciate him for the help, I still hate him for what he did to Mother. As much as he was trying to make it up with me, I would have rather had my mother with me now than for him to try and make up for it... but I had to admit that from the way he cared for me that he felt terrible about the past. I'd already resolved that he really had tried to help my mother. During my blackouts and series of being unconscious due to being so weak, I have had glimpses of the past and remember many times when he would pick me up and haul me over his shoulder to take me to bed. I remember hearing him tell me, "You're going to be an amazing lord over your household. Your kindness is beyond compare and your selflessness will make you dearly loved. I truly wish it was not this way." He said that to me so often... every time he put me to bed.
"You're looking like the skeleton that rides the pale horse from Revelation. If this wish backlash thing is true, why can't you unwish it?"
"If I unwish it, then Bastion will just get it back... probably tenfold. That and Andrew, so I've heard, has officially proposed to Minerva. Taking her bliss and happiness away would be selfish. I made this wish to give her the life she should have had, both her and those boys. I cannot take it away now, when it has come to such happy tidings."
"But you're killing yourself, Salem. Why not tell Bastion about the past? He would understand and probably believe you since he has this power you say he has."
I turned away from him, not wanting to think about it.
"I just... don't want to mess anything up for them."
"Then can't you wish it to be the same but different from the past?"
"That sounds way too complicated."
Father put the cool rag on my head and sat next to me.
"Not really. Hear me out: you make some sort of wish indicating that you wish they remembered the past you had but you still want them to have this future so that she is still of high standing."
"That sounds like it will just make things worse for me. The backlash is because of what I've undone and what could have been done. If I just rearrange it, it will add more because now I'm messing up two timelines."
Father sighed, leaning back in his chair.
"Damn it all... Well then, are you going to really let Andrew take the woman of your dreams?"
"What?"
"You told me that in the past Andrew tried to have his way with the woman you love. That's why you have some animosity towards him now. Of course, he and Lady Cavensold don't remember it but you do. You also have a love that she doesn't remember. Use your charm, Salem, to get her back."
"She's getting married to Andrew!"
"But she's not married yet."
I stared at my father and pulled the covers over my shoulders, turning away from him.
"Why do you care so much?"
"Son, I know how it is when you find the woman of your dreams. I had her and I let her go. I will not let you do that. I will not see you in the pain that I felt. I let my duty get ahead of my love for my lawfully wedded wife. I was bullied to divorce her and tortured to watch her die, punished by losing your favor. If I could do it all over again, you would be running a small little tavern, serving drinks. Watching you suffer is not on my agenda."
I had to smile. "Well then..."
"I have an idea that I think may work for you."
He sat beside me on the bed and began to tell me what he had thought of.