The hotel room air was thick with sweat and smoke. Bodies lay absentmindedly on the beds or the floor. Eleanor opened her eyes and could barely see a few feet in front of her, the smoke of marijuana, cigarettes and whatever else Carter decided to bring in last night (vapes and laced greens and-) lay like a dense fog around them. Her head pounded, the alcohol from last night not mixing well with her current environment.
She is unsure if the others will remember last night at all, she can nearly guarantee Dixie won't. Eleanor thinks for a second, going through the rest of her companions (she laughed at the word). Nick might remember, as he didn't drink as much as the rest. Last thing Eleanor saw before she fell into this bed was Conner sleeping on the ground with a canter of whiskey in this arms. And Jack, well....
From where she's laying, Eleanor can see his silhouette, passed out, shirtless. His arms and legs wrapped around Dixie, their clothes thrown to the floor haphazardly, faces so close together they might as well be sharing breath. A blanket laid across them, covering anything and everything that Eleanor didn't want to see.
But she didn't frown, no, Eleanor looked at the two and faintly smiled. She was glad that those two had found each other, even in their own sick and twisted way. Everyone deserves happiness, even them.
She feels movement behind her, and stays shock still as she sees an arm get thrown over her body, breath going down the back of her neck. Tanned skin curls around her shoulders and Eleanor stares, raising her hand and lightly tracing Carter's hand with her own.
She won't let herself be selfish.
They only had three days left in this road trip, and who knows what would happen after it. Every thing that's been happening, between her and Carter, Hell, between *any* of them, could be obsolete by the end of the week.
Feelings, God, feelings shouldn't exist. They make people like Eleanor uncomfortable. She can remember *everything*, but feelings are confusing and too complicated.
Carter stirred and moved closer to her, and Eleanor sighed deeply through her nose. No. This *can't* happen. She won't even allow it. She doesn't even know why she's continuing with this.
Carter, still unconscious, grabs her hand and slots their fingers together, pulling her against his chest. Eleanor stops breathing and closes her eyes, trying to stop herself from running automatically. Her entire life has been spent destructively remembering moments, forgetting *nothing*, and the only thing she can do is continue living. Being with people only meant that more memories could be created, more terrible circumstances where she would remember all of it.
In all honesty, Eleanor could allow herself to fall like this. With only three days left, what did she have to lose? She could keep her apathetic personality and she could be allow a selfishness with Carter and the rest of them, at least for a little while.
But...
She slowly removed her hand from Carter's, feeling a pit in her stomach as she did so. She methodically left the bed, stepping over the cans and bottles that littered the ground. Turning around, Eleanor allowed herself to look at Carter, carding her fingers through his hair before she made herself leave.
She moved to the kitchen, and even felt a faint smile to onto her face as she saw Nickolas looking down in exasperation at the copious amount of food that covered the ground around him.
"Who?" He raised his hands to his head, "Who even did this?"
"Conner." Eleanor stated, "He got excited about escaping the cops for a fifth time this week and threw all the scraps into the air."
Nick rolled his eyes and groaned, "Do you think we should tell them that *food*, isn't *confetti*?!"
She chuckled, shrugging before grabbing six shot glasses from the sink, placing them in a line across the table.
"Maybe."
Nick grabbed the grey goose from the floor and handed it to her, watching as she poured out a shot in each glass. They were silent, until Nick decided to speak out again.
"You know you're a good person, right?"
Eleanor stopped, not meeting his eyes. Her voice a cold dead pan.
"I've been making fake id's, stealing car keys, and leading you throughout a very illegal car chase. I'm not...." She trails off, shaking her head, "What makes you think that?"
He quirked his head to the side, "Just a hunch."
Still without looking up, Eleanor questioned, "Do you think we deserve happiness?"
"I think everyone does. It just all depends on how we find it. It could be through people, through relationships, revenge. It could be anything, really."
More silence. Before Nick smiles and patted her on the shoulder, "And that, Elle, is what we call, a moment. We just had a moment." He gave her a side hug, "I'm going to wake the rest of them up."
And with that, he left. Eleanor, with the bottle of grey goose in her hand, never looked up. The shots poured, she thought of the past few weeks. Of the building relationship of Dixie and Jack. The mutual friendship that she built with Conner. The conversations with Nick.
And whatever she had with Carter....
As she heard Nick wake the rest of the group up, Eleanor decided not to think too much.
"Alright boys," She announced, "It's nine Am, time for our morning shots."
She's allowed to be a little selfish from time to time.
