You Know, I Know, I Love You

Part Two Chapter 4: Sleigh Bells and Songs

SHAWN'S POV

When I walked into Juliet's room, she was asleep.
I stopped in my tracks, not daring to move. She looked... peaceful. I don't remember a time where I saw her so calm.
I quietly sat in the chair next to her.
"I remembered," I said, finding it to be much easier to talk about this while she was unconscious. "I don't know what I remembered, but... I know, if even for just a moment, that I remembered exactly who you were, and once I forgot what I remembered, the only emotion left was intense fear... like... like I would have done anything to keep you safe."
I sighed.
"I need to stop talking like I'm two different people. Even though my memories are gone, I loved you, not anyone else. I'm the exact same person as much as you. We're going to find a new normal, Jules. It may not be what we had, but neither will it be better or worse. It'll just be... different."
"I guess what I'm trying to say is... I know, you know, I love you."
I had nothing left to say, so I gently took her hand, and tried to ignore the tear that had just slipped down her cheek.

She was released the next morning and we went straight to a tiny... I'll call it an "apartment" on the same property as the police academy.
We spent weeks stuck on the grounds, but those were some of the best weeks of my life. I know Juliet had heard everything I had said when I thought she was asleep. So instead of spending our time trying to salvage old memories, we made new ones.
On Christmas Eve, Gus brought us a Christmas tree and came with his girlfriend Becca (soon to be fiancée) and my mom and dad and the Lassiter's came and visited. Marlowe, Juliet, and Becca spent their time with baby talk, and I couldn't help but admire how beautiful Jules was. Her baby bump wasn't so little anymore as she was nearing her seventh month. Her hair was shiny and her skin glowed.
"How are you two?" My dad asked when we got a private moment.
I smiled. "Better everyday."
"You might not believe me yet," he said, putting his arm on my back, "but those twelve years Z took from you... those have been the best twelve years of your life so far."
I looked around the room. "I don't doubt it."

The guests left late that night. I turned to Jules after locking the door. "I'll clean up. You look exhausted."
She smiled. "In a good way."
I could have stayed still and stared at her for hours. How could anyone make me forget someone like her?
She started to head toward her room.
I don't know what came over me, but I called out after her. "Jules?" I said. I could hear the desperation in my own voice.
She turned around, and the hope in her eyes matched the desperation I felt.
I walked slowly to her and stretched my hand out to caress her face. She moved closer so my palm was cupping her cheek.
"I..." I struggled to find any words. Her beauty illuminated only by the lights on the tree stunned me speechless.
"I know," she said, smiling.
I nodded. "You know."
Her smile grew bigger. "I love you."
All of the hesitation and uncertainty of the past few months along with all of the emotions and craving of the past weeks melted and I pulled her into my arms and met my smile to hers.
It took only a moment, but suddenly, I saw her, dressed in white, looking happier than I ever though a person could look, walking towards me, then kissing her long before Ken told me to.
I opened my eyes to see Juliet freaking out.
"Shawn? Shawn are you alright?"
I smiled and pulled her back in for another kiss.
"I... I remembered part of our wedding," I said after we pulled apart, smiling. "That's all I remember but... but... oh Jules..."
I pulled her into my arms and held her.
I don't know how long we stood there, but I do know that I never wanted to sleep alone again.
So when we woke up the next morning, I realized I would never stop holding her cold, little hands, or waking up and losing myself when I realized how lucky I was. And, I knew that the only running I would ever do would be into her arms.
"I love you," I said as soon as she woke up.
She smiled. "I know."
I smiled. "You know."
She planted a soft kiss on my mouth. "Merry Christmas, Mr. Spencer."
I smiled. "Merry Christmas, Mrs. Spencer."