She fakes a smile everyday but what goes through her mind. Does anybody really see behind the mask. Can anybody find the difference in her smiles? Do you see her daily struggle to keep herself alive. She feels like she's drowning in an ocean of darkness. She feels as though, the sky could crumble and fall on top of her at any moment. She's at war with herself constantly. You ever feel like your lungs are filling up with water, but you're not under water? The feeling that your heart might explode? Or the constant thought of how you'll make it through the day? Those are her best friends, depression and anxiety. Her world is tumbling apart a little at a time. She suddenly feels numb to the pain buried deep in her heart, to where she causes pain on her own skin, that she eventually becomes numb to, because she's so used to it. She feels as though she's a dagger impaling her own dreams. She would rather die a million deaths then bare the pain in her heart. Shed rather drown in a thousand oceans, than relieve the wretched visions in her head. She's overwhelmed by the thoughts playing in her mind, like a broken record. The constant voices, which tend to be her own, saying unbearable things. Her own voices telling her, "you'll never be good enough", " you're too fat" or " you're too skinny", and " no one could ever love you, you have too many flaws". That is the reason she fakes a smile, so you would never know how damaged she really is.
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I know it's not the greatest but I am working on getting back into old writing habits again.
