Pretty Bones

Emma

My name was Emma Amelia.

17 years old.

Searching for perfection.

At least, that's what she wanted. She would always tell me that I was fat. That I was just a beautiful girl hiding inside a monster's body. She would always say this was all for my own good. I never understood how not eating was going to help me in any way, because I never seemed to look thinner, but I still obeyed her commands. Telling me to push the food around on my plate so that it seemed as if I ate, and to look in the mirror and hate what I saw in my reflection. She taught me to hate myself and to become what I am now. She just placed herself in my head, forcing me to personalize her, name her, and treat her as if she were the only one who ever seemed to understand me. And little by little, she started making me desire the bony perfection that I had created as her. She became my best friend, blinding me from what was once a great life, and slowly opening my eyes to what was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. Hunger Pains. Not those silly little sounds that a stomach makes when you have not eaten for hours, but those starvation pains. The ones that make you scream out loud as if you were being stabbed in the heart over and over. It was all her fault, but I never noticed. I would blame it all on my surroundings. On the beautiful girls with great personalities and their beautiful friends. On the guys who never seemed to notice me. On my family, who would torture me when calling me for dinner. I would blame it on life itself, but never on her. She was too perfect to have been the one who destroyed all that once was my life. She was too beautiful. She was my Ana. And nobody could have blamed her, for I would have defended her, no matter what. She was my motivation. My everything. She was Anorexia.