Everything Will Be Alright. (A Churchtarts Fanfic)

Part 9

(James' POV)

          Deep breath, James. It's okay. Just tell him already, he won't judge you.... But I can't even think about it without getting upset, how am I supposed to relive it by telling him everything? It's alright, James, you've got this.

"C-Chris? I-It was about.... the h-hell dream, I mean.... I-It was...." I trail off as Chris looks at me patiently. I shut my eyes and take another deep breath. "In my h-hell dream, I was w-walking in a very d-dark room. I eventually saw y-you, but you were t-turned around, m-making.... something. When I reached you, you just acted like you h-hated me. We had a c-conversation about why I was making you do this, and e-eventually, you turned around, holding a.... holding a...." I have to trail off as the tears start falling again.

          Chris brought his hand to my face and wiped away my tears, leaving his hand on my cheek. "Take as much time as you need, Love." He whispers, looking into my eyes.

          Come on, James. Just do it already!

          ".... Holding a noose...." I shut my eyes as the tears started pouring out quickly. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to see the disappointed look on his face.... I can't.

          "James, I'm so sorry.... You don't have to continue if you don't want to." Chris wipes my tears again.

          "Y-yes I d-do. Y-you told me that y-you'd see me in h-hell and you said g-goodbye. A-and I didn't know what to do, so I p-panicked, pleading for you to stop. And then.... then you.... I can't do it, Chris, I can't!" I couldn't finish telling him the hell dream.

          Instead, I bury my face in Chris' chest again, hugging him tightly. He starts petting my hair and rubbing my back.

          "It's okay, James. I'm okay. You're okay. It wasn't real, James. You're okay, Love." Chris tries to sooth me, but I'm too tense.

          "B-but it felt so r-real. A-and it's not okay! Y-you said it was my fault." Hearing the words out of my own mouth made me sob more.
"Y-your last words were 'It's your fault'. I just, I-I couldn't handle it! I s-sat there, crying
b-below your.... h-hanging corpse.... f-for hours. I-I wouldn't wake up!" I sobbed even more into Chris.

(Chris' POV)

James' first hell dream.... was because of me? Well.... maybe it wasn't because of me, it could have just been about me.... but that's still horrible. I can imagine how awful it must've felt.

          "Shhh, James, you're okay. You're awake now, I've got you. I love you so much, James, I would never do that. I would never leave you like that. Look at me. I love you." I announce softly as I put my hand under James' chin, causing him to look at me. "I would never leave you like that, much less blame it on you. You are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I love everything about you: your beautiful complexion, your sweet and funny personality, your acceptance, your supportiveness.... Everything. I promise I wouldn't hurt you or myself like that. Do you believe me?" I finish off gently, with a sincere look on my face.

"Y-yes, I-I believe you. Th-thank you, so much. I-I don't deserve a boyfriend as
a-amazing as you." James said quietly, clutching onto my shirt.

          "It's okay, shhh. You're okay, Baby. I love you." I softly coo, still petting James' hair.

          "....W-why?" James choked out, still crying, but his grip on me loosened.

          I slowly pulled James back, to see a broken look in his eyes.

          "W-why do you love me?" James repeated, barely able to look me in the eyes.