"It was weird," I tell Spencer. We're walking through a park that's covered in snow and it's freezing. "He didn't really say anything to me this morning when we woke up. I felt like he was embarrassed or shy or something."
Spencer hums and sips his coffee. "Maybe he likes you and he's just now realizing it," he suggests, which is absurd. I scoff. "You never know Bren, you never know."
"I'm just trying to figure out why he'd do that. He only ever holds my hand, he never cuddles with me. Ever."
"Well, like I said. He could have figured out that you like him and he realized that he likes you," he says, shrugging his shoulder. I stop walking and I stare at Spencer. He turns around and raises an eyebrow at me. "What?"
"What did you do?" I ask him accusingly. His cheeks get redder than they already are and he shakes his head. "Spencer James Smith, what the actual fuck did you do?"
"Brendon, okay, I didn't actually mean for it to come out, but you guys fucking piss me off with your constant bickering and I might have told him he should just ask you out already and then he asked what I was talking about and it just came out. I'm sorry."
I stare at him, trying to focus on breathing and not going off on him. He told Ryan I like him. Ryan knows I like him. Ryan knows. He knows. That's why he was acting so weird yesterday and not fighting with me like he usually does. Spencer fucking told him that I like him.
"What the fuck, Spencer!" I shout, and Spencer looks terrified right now, like I'm about to murder him. I might. I might just murder Spencer James Smith. "He wasn't supposed to find out. I didn't want him to know, ever, and now he fucking knows."
"It was an accident!" Spencer clarifies. "I don't know what the big deal is anyway, wouldn't it be better with him knowing?"
"No! He likes Sarah! He's with Sarah! He isn't going to leave her for me, Spencer. Ryan and I aren't meant to be together. We're meant to be friends and nothing more."
I turn away from Spencer and walk back toward my house. I can't fucking believe he told Ryan.
-
0830grr: im having a party tongith
0830grr: u shld come
0830grr: it'll be fun
heymoon: i'm not feeling goodheymoon: maybe next time
0830grr: please?
0830grr: there wont be a lot of ppl here
0830grr: we wont even play spin the bottle
0830grr: just come over
heymoon: ...heymoon: fine
heymoon: omw. i have to walk
0830grr: i'll pick u up
0830grr: just get rdy. im omw
I'm not used to Ryan being this nice to me. Not that he isn't nice to me. We just mess around a lot and we're assholes to each other most of the time. The only time we talk like this is when one of us are going through something and we're trying to be there for the other. He's never nice to be like this just for the hell of it. Usually he has a smart ass remark or he makes fun of me for something, just to see my reaction, and I do the same thing to him.
If this is how things are going to be between us from now on, now that he knows that I like him, I'm not sure if I can handle it. I want us to be out old selves. Joking with each other, being mean in a playful way. Nothing will be the same with him knowing. It's going to be completely different now and I don't think I'm ready for that.
