Bleeding Hearts (Bloodhearts prequel)

Chapter Ten

The next couple of days, I put all my energy into the training course. Well, anything that could take my mind off this stupid argument with Cory. I make an appointment with a local tattoo artist called Aaron. Luckily, his brother is one of my father's most priced officers, so he gets me a good price. He's surprised to see me and gets even more surprised as I tell him what I want tattooed and what it's for; I want a phrase tracing my collarbone. I want it to say I refuse to close my eyes. He tells me I'm brave. This surprises me since I never considered myself to be the brave one in this relationship. That's Cory with everything he is going through. So I thank Aaron and ask him to keep our secret. He agrees without question. I can't wait to see what Cory thinks. If he decides he can forgive me, of course. I have certainly decided something. I need to prove to Cory that I love him. I need to prove that I'm for real and that I won't leave him. Getting a tattoo is the more symbolic way to go about it. It proves the commitment to him and to myself as I will be looking at it every day from now on. However, I must also put action into those words. This means two things; I have to tell Jason and I have to tell my dad. I don't know what is worse. They are both likely to react badly. I could get disowned or lose a friend I value more than I've ever considered before. I've been an asshole to him as well because I've been so scared. Scared that he would never talk to me again. Jason can be stupid sometimes, but he's always sticking up for me. I just have to count on him doing it this time as well.

That night I wait up for my dad. I have a steaming cup of coffee in my hands. I'm staring at it as if it's going to help me something. But I know this is something I have to do for myself. That's why I get up from my chair as soon as I hear the front door being unlocked. I can tell my dad is surprised to see me there. He's still not completely over our last argument, but at least he tries to get past it. It will be interesting to see how he's going to take this.

"Look," I tell him. "I just wanna be completely honest with you. I know we have our differences, dad, but they shouldn't divide us. There's something I have to tell you."

He raises an eyebrow. "Yes?" He follows me to the kitchen.

I fumble with the cup before I continue. "There's someone I really care about at school, but no one really knows about it."

His arms uncross. "Well, have you told her?"

I almost wince. "Yeah... Except it's not a her..." I hold my breath.

The message takes only a few seconds to sink in. "Oh," he says. "I see."

This is not at all the reaction I was expecting. He looks way too calm.

"Is it serious?" he asks, stone-faced.

I nod.

"And it's the McDean boy?"

I nod again. "Yeah. How do you know about that?"

He gives me a look. "Mr. McDean works in the military," he mumbles, and I can tell this is as much explanation I'm going to get. "James, I'm a little too tired to discuss this tonight. I have important meetings tomorrow." Then he spots my tattoo, looking at it in confusion because he probably can't read it in this lighting. After that he seems to have decided not to care about so trivial a thing.

I make a face. "Do you hate me now?"

Now he gives me a stern, almost angry look. "Hate you? No. But I don't understand you. You could have anyone..."

Now I snap. "Yes, anyone! And I made my choice! I don't care if you don't like it because I love him!" I yell at my flabbergasted father before I march upstairs and shut my door. It takes several minutes before I'm able to think straight. The doorbell rings downstairs. It's probably one of my father's men, so I grab my headphones and plug them in. I need some music right now. I need to prepare for tomorrow's revelation. It's mainly Jason's reaction I try to prepare for. This continues throughout the night and the morning. I'm suddenly sitting in my car, feeling like the night has passed in a blur. I try to decide what I'm gonna say and end up feeling a bit ridiculous. It really shouldn't be that bad. It's not a big deal who I love, is it? This is about me and Cory and not about anybody else.

To my horror, Cory is nowhere to be seen in the hallways or in the classrooms. Either he's avoiding me successfully or he's not here today. This starts to worry me until I get to the football field. Most people come here after school when there's no official football practice. Still, the guys can often be found out on the field anyways. I approach them, and they clearly expect me to join in as I normally would. However, this time I let my eyes follow Cory. He notices. He can tell I'm up to something. Just as I'm about to walk over to him, he gets up and begins marching away.

"Cory!" I yell and my friends all frown. Cory, however, shows me no mercy and continues walking.

"Cory!" I'm almost certain he's heard me every single time I've yelled his name. He's bound to, but he still won't turn around and answer me. He's still pissed at me, but I am not giving up on him. "Cory!!"I repeat, gaining the attention of everyone around. Yelling up the school stadium has never been a problem for me. This is when he finally decides to show me his face. His eyes are red and hard as he waits for me to say something. He's tapping his foot in a demanding sort of way and isn't about to deal with any of my bullshit. I am definitely gonna have to work for this.

"What do you want, James?" he says like he wants to give up on me.

I'm not gonna let him. "I wanna talk," I answer as he crosses his arms, doing everything in his power to tell me to piss off without words. He even scoffs at me.

"Cor, I mean it," I continue. "I know I've been a real douchebag to you and I'm sorry! But you know what's coming! We all have to do something about it! I can't deny how important that is! But you should know what you mean to me as well. Especially, after all the time we spent together. All these pricks and blondes don't matter, it's not any of their business, but they'll always gossip anyway. I don't care if they do. I care about you and I really mean that. Cory, I know I'm a fucking idiot. You knew that from the start and I only proved it. I guess I can't change. But I still love you and I hope that counts for something."

He looks at me in despair, but his harsh attitude is fading away. "You just ruined your reputation," he tells me like it isn't obvious. I still don't care.

"To hell with that," I say and fight a smile. "I have you. Right?"

His arms uncross. "Because idiots like you need a brain. Yeah, I think I forgot about that for a second." I get to see him smile again and my heart melts. I'm fully aware that his only friend, the clever girl Sadie is staring at us wide-eyed, but with a smug smile. Her surprise doesn't even come close to beating the looks on my so-called bros' faces. They actually look like they've seen a ghost. Especially Jason. He seems to be in total shock over my actions when I take Cory's hand and give him an affectionate look. I lead him over to Jason with only a few words to say.

"It's true that I'm joining the forces and by what my father tells me so are you. And we're in the same squad. I hope we can keep up a friendly attitude between us despite... well, this. And if you still wanna be bros, I'll be glad to... although I think that's probably too much to ask of you right now."

When I'm about to turn around and leave, I feel my boyfriend tug on my wrist, so we turn toward Jason again. "Actually," Cory begins. "All three of us are gonna be in the same squad."

It takes a minute before the words sink in.

"What?" Jason and I say in unison.

Cory rolls his eyes. "You heard me," he says with a smile playing his lips. "I stopped by your house to talk to your dad last night. And as far as I've understood everyone who signed up from this school are in the same squad - at least for training. I don't know about after that."

There's not a time I've loved him more. I sweep him up in my arms and he beats on my chest to put him back on his feet. "Are you serious?" I say, eyes like Christmas lights.

"Yes, you freak, now put me down before you turn me into a woman!" 

I comply with a chuckle, but I don't completely let go of him. I stare at him and try to cherish how perfect he is. Even Jason, who doesn't seem all too happy about the idea, fights his demons and shakes Cory's hand. Then he turns to me. 

"Um," he begins awkwardly. "For what it's worth I think you made some brave decisions and, uh, I'll see around, okay?"

I reach out my hand, hoping he'll take it. "Definitely okay," I say. He takes my hand and with a nod, he disappears alongside our other teammates. So I decide to give my reputation the final blow by getting the satisfaction of kissing Cory in front almost every single person I know.

I love being alive.