Dirty Lies

A PLANNED GOODBYE

"Why did you let Matt drive you to the bar?"

We were in my Mercedes, and I gripped the steering wheel with one hand. The other reached for Skylar's, and her touch warmed me, made me feel safe. It was exactly what I craved after not seeing her for a week.

She shrugged and turned her head to look out the window, then rummaged in her purse and took out a tin of mints. She fed me one, and I was grateful after that cigarette.

"He lives near me. I felt like drinking, and he offered. Why?"

Why, indeed? Why was I even here? Why, when I was hours, possibly minutes, away from telling her I was leaving Florida soon? I wasn't being fair to her, and I knew it. And yet, the idea of her being with another man sent a violent anger through me I'd never before experienced.

"Just curious."

My mouth felt tight, tense. As I pulled into my uncle's gated community, I braced myself for the inevitable talk once we got inside the house.

Over the past few days alone, I'd brooded and drank and smoked. Then I'd prepared a speech about how I simply couldn't handle everything that had been thrown at me in the past few weeks, between my uncle's crazy revelation and my own equally insane feelings for Skylar.

I was getting too close, and that scared the shit out of me.

Really, I should have just texted a goodbye.

But there was no way I'd be that cruel to her. I'd needed to apologize for my shitty behavior last weekend.

At the very least, I could have simply driven Skylar to her house and ended it there. Selfishly, though, I wanted her for this one last night. It wasn't even about sex, because we hadn't had it and I wasn't about to make a final plea.

No, I just wanted to sleep next to her. To hold her in my arms for eight hours straight.

Maybe I'd wait until the morning to tell her. That would be better. She was tipsy, and I didn't know what her reaction would be. Better to tell her everything when she had a clear head.

A wave of guilt splashed over me. Saying goodbye was exactly what I didn't want to do, but I saw no other way to avoid the inevitable pain—or worse. Maybe I could come back when times changed, and I could be a normal person again. If I ever felt like that could happen. If she would take me back.

I opened the garage, drove inside, and then killed the ignition. As the door shut behind us, I paused, staring at the glove compartment where I'd put the gun before going into the Iguana. Should I take it out in front of Skylar? Reveal that little bit of my life so she could witness the insanity firsthand?

"Did you forget something?" She put her hand on my forearm and squeezed gently.

I turned and looked into her eyes. A little smile crept onto her face, and I leaned forward for a kiss. Her insistent lips made everything I intended to say and do vanish from my mind.

"No. Let's get inside," I muttered, and left the gun in the glove box.

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