Law & Life: Bensidy

tired

I couldn't breathe. my heart was beating out of my chest and it felt like it was about to explode. it was exhausted.. broken. I was drenched in sweat and could feel the heat rushing to my head.

"olivia" he said my name. "..Elliot?" I mumbled. did he come back for me? "olivia" he says once more. "Elliot!" this time clear. I felt someone touch my arm and I quickly jerked my eyes open, pulling me out of my sleep. "it's just me.." I looked up and saw Cragen. I must have fell asleep in the precinct. "liv.. Elliot's not coming back.." he was speaking to me like a child, like he had to put my former partners leave into simple terms, like I was a victim.

"I know captain, it was just a dream." he looked at me with disbelief then disconnected his hand with my arm. "go home and get some rest, this case really did a number on you." hell yeah it did. a man started selling his children as sex slaves for drug money.

I was having a sweet dream, like nothing had changed. like my partner had never left. I feel like a part of me is missing, and he didn't even say goodbye.

I didn't want to go home. there was nothing for me there, I was just going to be alone. I went to a bar with Rollins instead.

"it's terrifying knowing that things like this happen in the world we live in.." Rollins said, talking about the case. I didn't want to talk about it. I continued to sip on my beer. "Liv?" a familiar voice had said my name. I couldn't deal with mistaking it for his again so I didn't get excited.

I turned around when suddenly a smile grew on my face. "Brian?" I haven't seen brian in years, not since he was part of the special victims unit over a decade ago. he pulled me into a hug. I noticed the confused look on Amanda's face. "Amanda this is Brian, we used to work together." I looked at Brian. "this is amanda" they shook hands.

he looked good. he's aged very well and I was glad he was here. We all talked for hours. Amanda had left around 10, and it was currently 11:30. who knew we had so much to catch up on?

I told him everything, with Elliot, my mother, some cases. I begin to realize that I've missed him, and he missed me. Brian paid my tab. "do you live close to here?" he asked. "you don't know where I live?" I was shocked considering we worked together for a while and even got together once.

"when... that happened It was at my place." he grinned. "so no, I don't." his personality hasn't changed a bit. "I actually only live a block over." I glanced at my watch. "I should probably get going.." I stood up from the bar and grabbed my coat.

"I'll walk you." he offered. I knew what he was doing and it wasn't going to happened. "nice try brian, but I'm fine." I chuckled at his lame attempt to get me in bed, just like he did 12 years ago. "I insist. no funny business, I promise."

I loved his smile. it's sweet, sexy, and just so.. irresistible. it took a moment, but I ended up giving in. he knew I wasn't going to do anything I didn't want to do and that made me trust him. it was Cassidy, not some guy I picked up in a bar, I don't know why I'm so nervous.

I walked passed him as he held the door open for me to exit the bar. we walked quietly and in a way it was perfect. like I could walk silently with him forever. I stopped and looked at him, "well.. this is it." he had this look in his eyes that worried me. it was almost as if he didn't want me to leave. I started to walk passed him and into my apartment building when he grabbed my arm and turned me facing him. he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me into him, a lot closer than when he hugged me in front of amanda.

I don't like getting close to people emotionally. Displaying loving affection like this so soon scares me and normally I wouldn't let it happen but this was different. it was nice to be in someone else's arms besides my own for once.

he released me from his warmth, "I missed you Liv.." those words made me so happy inside but I refused to let it show, as usual. I smiled and walked away.