{If you like Harry Potter I'm sorry for this. It's 1 in the morning (shit it's my birthday) I'm dying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯}
§•••••••••§
So I told my friend about this dream I had last night
It was me and some Hogwarts teachers at a club turnin up gettin our lives n shit
Some of us (Dumbledore) were more drunk than others
I don't remember how we got to it but we just started making sex jokes which made Severus and Minerva uncomfortable
Snape
"Can we please change the subj-"
Dumbledore
"HeY sEvErUs YoUd FuCk SaVy RiGhT!?!?!"
McGonagall
"Albus I don't believe this is-"
Dumbledore
"ITS A VALID QUESTION THAT I WANNA KNOW. SNAPE R U A VIRGIN???" (What is my life?)
And SnapE just left. Like he was done with this shit
So (God I'm so fückin tired) I convinced him to stay a bit longer (bc he was my ride there) and we go to the bar and do shots
I guess like an hour later we come back to the group and frickin Dumbledore and Remus goddamn Lupin are giving u Lenny faces like "DID YA PUT IT IN HER GOBLET OF FIRE!?!?!?!"
(I need to sleep 😭😭😭)
I remember Remus and Dumbledore sayin shit like
'he could huffle her puff'
'I bet she'd platform his 9¾'
So we leave bc SnapE looks like he's gonna Crucio they asses
We get in this white Ford Bronco like we bout to OJ sum shit
And my bitch ass can't drive apparently. Going up on the sidewalk and hitting ppl
Eventually we pull up to this mansion that obviously neither of us could afford
My immediate thought
"Let's rob this binch"
And that's what we did
And it's not like ppl weren't there
There was cars parked in the fückin front of the house so the ppl were home
We go in tip toein in our Jordan's
And find this big ass staircase that leads to a library...
... Why the FUCK in the middle of the library was a coffin
Like who tf does that in a house?
So I tell Sev we're gonna take the body...
... and we did
And the ppl who lived there were chasing us w/ shotguns n shit. I'm low key thinking to myself 'why does this body matter so much to y'all?' Then I looked at it and realized who's body it was
It was fückin Michael Jackson
I freaked out and just decided to throw the body out a window and jump after it
(As I'm currently listening to MJ. Kill me Jesus)
SnapE just throws the body in the back trunk and we gtfo of there
So we're driving things look good then the fückin popo comes and pulls us over
They check the trunk and it's just boxes no body
They bout to leave but this dude turns around like 'wait a minute' and opens a box
Binch tell me why the body just slid up out the box...
And it was in the shape of a square
Glove and everything
Like u know how when u have a jello cup and u squeeze it till the jello comes out but it's all still one solid piece?
That's what that was
Everyone was just screaming and crying out of pure shock and horror
But I just laughed
And laughed...
Did I feel bad?
Not at that moment but I do now
Now you ask anyone I know and they'll tell u that I love MJ with all my heart. I don't mean any disrespect by this...
Kill me now lord
