I was already home. Whenever I crossed through that door and entered my house I felt happy and carefree. It was like magic. I needn't to worry about anything because the worst had already happened. "Oh, what a Tuesday..." I thought to myself while taking off my pink leather jacket. I clearly needed a rest after all the drama. I only ate some toasts with Nutella, which is the best thing I've ever tasted in my life. I swear! Funny fact? Harry had opened the door of that delicious invention to my life. It's a bit awkward how things end up having every single thing to do with him... It's like life wanted to tell me something...
My mom just greeted me when I came inside and gave me a plate and a dull knife so I could spread the Nutella all over my toasts. I took a clean glass and served myself some juice. When I finished, I washed my dishes and went upstairs. The only conversation we had that afternoon was:
- In the kitchen -
I closed the door and walked down the hallway to the kitchen.
Mom: Oh, hello hun ! How are you doing?
Me: Just fine...
Mom: Great! Want some toasts?
Me: Yeah, sure!
Mom: Okay then, bring out whatever you want to spead on them and take a sit.
After some minutes...
Me: Okay, I'm done. I'm going to be upstairs if somebody needs me. Not that anyone would or anything...
Mom: Tahaha! Just go.
I have to say we ain't as close as Becca is with her mom. But we just get on well, you know what I mean..? Dad is never home because he travels a lot with work, so most of the time it's just me and my mom. Anyhow, she is nearly the best person in my life. She's done everything for me, starting from giving me birth. She'd taken care of me like nobody else did when dad was out and heard my every word. Mostly when I came back from school crying because I had been bullied. She taught me to love myself. These and more are the reasons why I owe it all to her.
Sometimes I get tired of being a teenager almost young adult because I feel I get more and more distanced with her...
In my room, I took off my shoes and left my school bag on the corner so that it wouldn't disturb. My room was like another world for me. I listened to all the music I wanted to hear, I got away from my problems and most importan of all: I had my privacy. Sometimes I wanted to be alone and log into Twitter and Tumblr to read new updates of Ian or just hang out by myself writing my diary. Yes, I have a diary. I was planning to write on it at the moment but something happened. It was strange... I didn't really have the words to express all that had happened today... So many emotions I haven't felt since I've catched my ex-boyfriend kissing with a cheerleader in 6th grade. That stuff ain't easy to handle as fast as I did. I think I just didn't "love" him, if that's the right word. So, back to the diary... How the heck was I going to write what had been going on between Hazza and me today? I mean, did anything even happen?
I was so confused I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about it. Then, dinner time came and I ran downstairs because I was really hungry. Thinking made me starve.
Usual conversations had taken place during dinner time. "How was school today?", "How is Rebbekah?", "Did you learn any fun fact?", "What are you planning to do next year?", etc. I always answered with the same lines: "Good", "As usual", "No", "I haven't thought about it yet". Between others.
After dinner, I went automatically to my room. I messaged Becca for help. I knew she would be the right person to ask for it and the only one who did know about the secret I was keeping from Harold. Reading his confession. I settled down in my desk and turned on the computer. Thankfully, she was online. When we got to chat, she told me I should work on hiding it for a while. Just to get my brain working good again and getting to unsderstand my feelings and thoughts. Hard work to do by the way...
The whole plan looked good. The problem now was trying it out tomorrow morning. Did she not understand how difficult it was for me today? Maybe I should text Hazza explaining why I treated him that way. Why didn't I speak to him. I got everything in my head. I was going to tell him I wasn't feeling as good as to talk to anybody and that's why I avoided him and the rest. It could work.. I'd never know if I didn't try.
If I screwed everything up, would he invite me to a date? Would he get mad at me? Would he even talk to me again? I don't even know if I'm ready for a relationship, I just don't want to loose him... I finally decided not to. After all, I couldn't lie to my best friend even though it was through a text.
All these tangled thoughts leaded me to my sleep.
