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Chapter 12

I groan as I sit up, mainly because I won't be getting any rest with my mind sparked back to life. Another look at Petra shows she is not aware I am still awake, eyes dull and distant with a limp face.

Grumbling to myself, I admit she's right. As much as I hate to think it, none of us had any clue that Jesse was like this. That day after day he was suffering, and we all did nothing except push him harder.

My fists curl and anger starts to bubble in my chest. Forcibly, I take a few deep breaths. Unwarranted anger does no good. It didn't help anyone in Soren's fortress and it would be ten times worse now. Just deep breaths, deep breaths.

That doesn't stop all the irritated thoughts though. My fingers restlessly tapping against the bed as I try to contain the bickering inside my mind.

Jesse should have told us, we would have helped him if we knew. No, I shouldn't blame him. We were the ones who kept expecting things from him. Wouldn't it been nice though if no one kept secrets? Petra wouldn't have blown up and Jesse wouldn't be so shattered.

"Come on Petra, we shouldn't be thinking about this stuff. We can't change it and it's quite frankly exhausting."

She sighs, eyes drooping. "I know the past's in the past kinda thing. But I just can't help but think... am I a bad friend?"

"Of course not." A sad smile twitches my lips upward. "Jesse's just too good of one. He'd rather take everything himself despite the consequences than let us go through one."

Muscles all over me tighten, my ears going deaf to Petra's words. How come I didn't think of that earlier? I had plenty of time this morning. That must be the foundation for everything, it has to be. I've never felt such a strong certainty about something before.

Although what can we do to tame Jesse's selflessness? Do we even now the extent of it? Like, we've been in that hallway for weeks and never noticed a thing. Since Jesse's done a fine job of acting so far, I wouldn't be surprised if he had other demons locked away in his head.

There definitely has to be something else. Selflessness alone shouldn't have him turn away his friends, at least not when Jesse's going on about teamwork all the time. Something else that forces him not to say anything.

Do I know what Jesse was feeling back when Petra yelled at him in the hallway? I thought I already thought about this, but I guess not. Why did I allow myself to get distracted when this is clearly something super important?

I don't remember precisely what Petra said to Jesse, I was more focused on calming them down. But the general tone of her voice was anger, and she kept letting that burst out about how terrible all this portal jumping was.

No one ever likes to get yelled at ever. But I don't remember her exact words well-

"Lukas!"

I blink rapidly, my eyes locking back onto Petra. Emotion is finally in her face again, the negative one of anger.

"Were you not listening to me!"

It's more of a statement than anything, I was clearly not listening at her whatsoever. It was probably her opening up or something that I really should have paid attention too. Petra's anger though might be punishment enough.

"Okay, no. But I'm pretty tired, I'm just kinda drifting between being awake and not. Please don't take offense."

She nods as she leans up against the wall, at least she doesn't look angry anymore. "Yeah, I get it. Everything's been kinda hectic hasn't it?"

I huff, rolling my eyes. "I'd even take another fire world over this."

Petra lightly chuckles, eyes now drowning in sadness. "You and me both. Fire is so much simpler than redstone. I don't think I'll ever be able to handle this stuff again."