It was raining in Seattle. Big shocker. While pedestrians got in taxis and sheltered themselves with newspapers, I walked alone down the sidewalk, making no attempt to avoid the tepid raindrops.
I had almost made it home by the time the rain stopped. I got out the key as I approached the door of my quaint apartment.
I went inside, chain locked the door, and laid down on the ground. Lately I had been feeling just... empty. I guess it was because of him.
I don't know why I didn't see what was happening. I mean, I had been in my fair share of failed relationships. This one had been the same as every other relationship I've ever been in, always ending messily. But this guy... Marcus... man, I could hardly even think his name. He was my best friend. Keyword: was. One day I guess we just both found ourselves to be single, and we did the inevitable.
Our relationship at first was... perfect. In fact, there was no other word to describe it. It was simply... perfect. I felt so happy. I was smiling all the time, and singing all the time... but then, Marcus changed.
He started to ignore me, and blow off our dates for various reasons. I could feel us growing apart, so I clung on to him desperately. I called him more, demanded more texts and dates. Little did I know, it was only pushing him away more.
In the end, it had come down to one last phone call.
We had made plans for our 6 month anniversary, but he said he was "busy" that day. So on that night, I called him up, hoping to get some answers to why he had been acting this way.
He answered on the 4th ring, and his "hello?" was very unenthusiastic.
I told him about my worries. I told him that I was afraid we were growing apart, and that I felt like I didn't matter to him anymore. With each word my crying grew heavier. Sometimes I would have to take pauses to get myself together before I could continue to speak.
He responded in the form of weak excuses, and accusing statements.
"Do you even love me anymore?" I had sobbed into the phone.
"I'm sorry, Jo, I don't."
I just couldn't take that.
We ended up arguing and arguing, until we were both just... done. We hung up the phone for the last time, and I had found myself no longer sad and angry. I had felt so numb. I lost all feeling. And 3 months later, here I was. Pushing away all of my friends and family's consoling, and prefering to be alone. I walked to my job at the local bar every weekday, and when I had finished I walked back. I lived a miserable existence.
I got up from the floor, and walked to a mirror.
I looked so different than I had a few months ago. My once natural-brown hair was now long, and black with a section of many different colors in my thick bangs that fell slightly over my eyes. My green eyes were now surrounded by a thick line of black eyeliner. My skin that had once been healthily tanned, was now a pale shade of ivory due to the fact that I stayed inside most of the time nowadays. On my neck, was a silver locket engraved with my name, Johanna. Marcus had gotten it for me on my birthday, back when we were still just friends.
I wiped my eyes and decided to go for a walk. By now it was dark out, so no one would notice the dark, mopey girl, walking down the street alone.
I put on my black leather jacket and walked out the door.
Once on the street, I turned left without a particular destination in mind. I walked and walked; head down, earphones in. I turned up the loud, post-hardcore music and took a right on the next intersection.
