I couldn't. If I moved in with Jo, I would bring all of my baggage with me. Who knows what would happen if my dad came looking for me. Who knows what would happen if he found me.
"Yes. When can I come?"
Why? Why did I just say that? I couldn't go through with it, I couldn't.
Then I looked up at her sweet face, and I melted.
"Uhm, Whenever you want i guess. We could go now if you want."
Her eyes were smiling, but her mouth was a straight line.
I followed her back to her place while we talked and laughed light-heartedly. As we approached the front door to her apartment, she looked at me with confused eyes.
"Don't you want to stop at home to get some of your things?"
"No." I answered shortly. I didn't want to go home. My dad was there, alone and probably drinking. He would yell, and try to attack me, then stumble from the alcohol and fall like he had so many times before. I couldn't take it.
Jo seemed to understand my unspoken words, and we crossed the threshold together in silence.
"Ok. Well you can either sleep in my room, or the spare room, whichever you feel more comfortable in I guess. The kithcen's in there, and theres the living room, bathroom..." she trailed off, looking down.
I approached her slowly, and placed my hand under her chin. As I pulled her face to meet mine, she was motionless. I hovered before meeting her lips, just as I had 2 nights ago, but instead of closing the distance between our lips, she turned her face slightly to the right, making our cheeks brush as she wrapped her arms around me in an innocent embrace.
After a brief moment, she pulled away and looked at me playfully. "So," she said, "What should we do today?"
I thought for a moment. I wanted to take her somewhere. The only places weve ever been together are an alley and a graveyard. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head.
"How about, you stay here, and I will go plan everything. Then, I will come back at 7, to get you. Sound good?"
I saw the curiousity in her eyes as she replied.
"Can't wait." she said with a smile.
I walked out the door, leaving her sitting on the couch. I walked down the familiar road to the failing record store I worked at. It was Sunday, and I only worked weekdays, but I had to go to the crouded bulletin board inside. On friday, when I HAD been working, there had been a poster for some local band know one had ever heard of putting on a show downtown. I guess I just had a hunch that Jo would like that.
I walked through the rusty metal door and to my dismay, I found that Emma was working.
Emma, with her long tan dreadlocks pulled back in a ponytail. Emma, who always chewed her gum too loud, and spoke her mind bluntly. Emma, the girl that used to be my best friend.
We had gotten this job together, hoping that if we worked at the same place that we would have more time with eachother. But then, my mom died. Emma had always been close with my dad, but I never expected her to take his side over mine. She said that it was a tragic accident that my mom died. She didn't believe me when I said it was murder. She didn't stand by me, because it was her nature. She was a gossip queen. She lived for drama, and rumours. So she was the one who spread it around that my dad was a drunk. Things were just never the same again. There was no big fight, no confrontation. We just drifted apart slowly and gracefully.
I didn't make eye contact. I walked through the door as silently as I could manage.
"Sup, Zee."
I hated that she still used my old nickname.
"Just here to check something out quick." I looked down and continued to the bulletin board. I grabbed the poster from behind a few other flyers.
"Why you need that?" Emma said from right behind my shoulder. She knew her grammar was wrong, but she liked it better that way.
"I just.. need it. Okay?" I didn't want her to know about Jo. Every time there was a girl that I attempted to get to know better, she would be scared off. Once she even spread around a rumour that the two of us were an exclusive couple, just to get the other girls to back off. I never did know why she did this. Maybe she was just trying to protect me... or maybe she had different intentions entirely...
She smacked her gum, and looked at me strangely.
"Kay. Have fun on your date" She winked her simmering blue eyes and skipped back to her desk.
How had she known I was going on a date? It had been years since I had even talked to her, much less seen her in person. And yet, she still knew me well enough to know where I was going, just from my eyes. It was, amazing. It made me miss her, in a way.
I walked from the record store without saying anything, just looking at her relaxed face, transfixed on an old magazine. I did miss her.
I walked back in.
"Hey, Emma?"
She looked up, and loudly swallowed her wad of chewing gum.
"I just wanted to say..." I said, "That I, uhm, I know we haven't been exactly close for some time now... and I'm sorry for that. I really am."
Her eyes started to whell up.
I turned, and walked away. I didn't want to hear what she had to say. I dont think I could hear what she had to say. I just wanted her to know that things couldve been different. And I think she got the message.
