A Child's World

A Highschool Girl

You know something? Well I know for a fact I know something. You want to know what that is? Well I'm going to tell you; when you think your life couldn't possibly get any worse, it can, and it will. Never say "Oh I've hit rock bottom" or "My life couldn't possibly get worse" or "Oh God what have I done to deserve this?". Especially don't use the last statement, He knows what you've done and he WILL remind you! Now if your not religious, let me just let you know in other terms, Karma is a complete and utter jerk if you are not good, or life just sometimes hates you and just wants to make you utterly MISERABLE. Okay now that I've gotten that off my chest let me introduce myself. My name is Alzena Rachel Danenson, and I am a Junior in high school. Well I'll tell you how my life was going downhill. I had always been the beautiful, popular, athletic, goody two shoes girl in kindergarten to high school, but I messed up. I was way less responsible as a sophomore, and I fooled around with my boyfriend, and because of that night, I became pregnant. I had the baby at the end of sophomore year. She is now eight months old. But my boyfriend. He told me he would help me, he told me he would be there with me the whole way. He lied. He didn't help me, he didn't stay true to his promise, he made everyone turn against me. I was never mean to anyone, I have always believed in being nice to everyone (because you only see the tip of the iceberg in every person) but I did enjoy the fame quite a bit, not that it would matter in the real world, but it was nice to enjoy it while I could. But because of that selfish jerk, I'm bullied by nearly everyone. Trust me when I say nearly everyone, my social level has dropped so low even the lowest of the low are higher than me, just some of them are actually not mean, and try to help. I'm great full to them for their efforts, but as expected, it still doesn't help me. But everyone else, they used to be my friends, we used to hang out, we used to party, I trusted them all. Well I've learned my lesson, never trust anyone. Which is why I've turned to journaling, because of all these things, I'm now suffering with depression, and have had a few attempts to suicide. It got so bad I was taken to a hospital of "behavioral health" a fancy way to say a mental hospital. They put me on anti depressants, they helped when I wasn't in the bully filled environment, so I was given a councilor, to help me, she was great, and I absolutely loved her. She helped me, but it was still really hard with the environment I was in five days a weak. It was really hard, but I never cut. I didn't want to seem weak so I held up during school, made it seem like nothing they said bothered me, but in reality it felt like I was being shot with a gun with every remark, gesture, joke, or tease they made, so when I got home I released it all out there and then I locked myself in my room and avoided everyone. And because of that, my relationship with my parents had become distant. I regret that now. They were always there for me and now I can't thank them for anything they did, I can't take all the things I said to them, and I can't apologize for being an awful daughter, so if you can read this from heaven Mom, Dad. I'm so so sorry, please forgive me for everything.