Tahulah's P.O.V
'Harry why did you hate me?' I ask him at the dinner table the next night, everyone had gone out with their partners, well besides us of course.
'Tilly I don't want to talk about it.' He sighs picking at his food.
'Harry please I just want to understand why.' I mummer.
'It's stupid really.' He mutters rubbing his neck.
'I'm sure it's not, please just tell me I won't judge you.'
'I hated you because you were so perfect; flawless looks, personality, heart, character everything. I envied you. You were everything I wanted to be. You were so confident and carefree, you didn't care about what other people thought of you. You just did what you wanted basically. I was also jealous because of the bond you share with Zayn. How you two can love each other so much without wanting to be more than friends. I want that with someone. You were everything I wanted.' Wow. That was deep.
'Harry I'm not perfect I'm far from it. Acting confident and carefree was just a cover up for my true feelings. Harry I can assure you I'm not everything you wanted.'
'I need a drink.' He mummbles standing up from the table and heading in the direction of the kitchen.
'I need a smoke.' I say to myself standing up and heading towards Zayn's room. I know where he keeps his secret stash. Well it's not so secret anymore. I'm not addicted or anything, I'm just a social smoker. It helps when I'm stressed I don't know how or why it does, it just does. I skim though his 'secret draw' and while I'm looking for the fags I come across a picture of me and him about three years ago. It just amazes me how much we've both changed. Taking the smokes and the photo with me I head out onto the balcony in the back garden. Taking my first drag of a smoke in about 6 months was like pure bliss.
'You smoke?' Harry asks sitting next down next to me with a drink in his hand.
'Yeah ha.' I smile weakly at him eyeing his drink.
'You do know that can kill you right?' He asks raising an eyebrow.
'Of course I know that, I'm not stupid.' I laugh at him.
'So about what I promised you before you went into the ward, you don't want to still do that do you?' He asks nervously adverting his eyes away from me.
'Harry I'm not completely fixed, I'm still hurting not nearly as much though. But to answer your question yes, I still want to go though with it.' I say staring right at him not caring if he doesn't want to meet my eyes.
'So when?' He stutters.
'Soon would be nice.'
'Ok, so how?' He barely manages to get out. I know he doesn't want to do this. But he promised me. Him promising to help me is the only reason I did what he told me to do.
'Harry I've tried to kill myself six times in the past and obviously each time I failed. I have no idea.' I tell him honestly. Each time I tried a different way and each time it never worked.
'Well how did you try in the past?'
'I don't want to talk about it. I just want it done.' I snap, taking another drag of the cigerette.
'Tilly give me two months. Two months to show you that you don't want to do this.' He begs me. I make the deadly mistake of looking him in the eyes. His beautiful greeb orbs.
'Two months pretty boy, I mean what have I got to lose?'
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