Behind the Mask (Naruto fanfiction) Completed

Chapter 19

It was dark. It wasn't the creepy dark that haunted people in their dreams, it was the calm dark that made you feel safe. I never liked the dark but this time it made me feel safe. I had nothing to worry about. It was like all my pain and worries had been washed away by the wave of darkness that surrounded me. It was strangely calming. I don't remember anything of the few minutes before I woke up here. It was all faded. Disorienting in a way. It felt like a bit of my memory was ripped out of my brain. I remember the water hitting my shoulders but that's the last thing.

I don't know why I did it. Yes I did slip, but if it wasn't for my stupid self thinking it would be the best idea, I wouldn't be standing on the bridge. I never thought dying was a way out of it. Yes I did cut my wrist, but that's because I felt like I deserved it and it made me feel strangely better. To be honest, I have always been afraid of death.It's a fear that was there sitting in the corner of mind. It didn't haunt me that much but it was still there. And that's why it shocked me that I actually wanted to die.

How do I describe my fear. I don't know where to start. It all started when I realized that my parents were dead. It slowly went away when I met my father in my dream but it's still there. It's something strange that I had trouble explaining myself. My fear isn't about death itself. It about what comes after. The feeling of not knowing what happens after. The feeling of not knowing if there is really an afterlife. The feeling of my life ending. The feeling that everything that I did will slowly disappear. All those feelings make my head hurt. I try not to think about it but every time I thought about my parents I would be reminded. My eyes would tear up. My body would feel hot and my heart would hurt. It never went away. It scared me even more that I thought that ending my life even though of my fear was a better solution. It scared me that I thought the pain of the unknown would be better than the pain of the knowing. However it's too late now.

I don't know where I am. I don't think I'm dead. It would feel different wouldn't it. I'm not sure. Would it feel like it's all a dream. Would you be alive but in complete darkness. If that's how it feels, then I'm dead. My stupid plan succeeded and I took my own life. Would anyone miss me. I know my team like me but they weren't there for me. If they weren't there for me, they probably don't care that much. They just acted like that to make me cooperate in missions. They probably didn't even realize I'm dead. One thing doesn't make sense however. If I was dead, why wasn't I with my parents.

I started walking. I wasn't really touching what i thought was the floor. I was floating. Mimicking a ghost. Maybe I was a ghost. A spirit whose soul was too troubled to leave the world behind. But I don't remember ever seeing this place before. I tried calling out to Kurama. But as expected, there was no response.Even he left me. I was truly alone. In life and in whatever phase this was. Nothing changed. There's still pain in my broken heart. It looks normal. But inside there are bandages that try to repair an unrepairable heart. No one will know. No one did know.My mask that I thought fell is still on my heart. It will stay on forever even in this weird from I'm in. Maybe I never deserved happiness.

I closed my eyes. Bored out of my mind. But scared. Was this the afterlife. If it was, I was right to fear it. I would have to stay in complete darkness all of my life.

"Please wake up,"

Uh

What was that?

It was soft. So soft that I nearly missed it but I didn't. Once I heard it, it kept repeating itself in my head. I knew that voice. I couldn't put a name to it though. I didn't understand. Wake up from what.

A/n:

Hi. This chapter was pretty crappy if I must say so. I'm sorry. But I had to write this down. The paragraph where Naruto was talking about his fear is actually inspired by yours truly. I don't know when it started.  Maybe when my aunty died. But since then I've always been scared of that. A phobia of not knowing what happens after death. It's confusing and last night it hit me again and I just had to write it down somewhere. It's weird. I would get really scared thinking about my life ending and not knowing what happens and where I'll go. Im religious but sometimes I still wonder if there's an after life. No one really confirmed it.I might be the only one who thinks like that. I'm sorry for this but yeah,Anyway enjoy this sad excuse of a chapter. I'll update soon.