cupid rhymes with stupid|@Quiet_Pen

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@Quiet_Pen

chapter one

The once upon a time starting doesn't seem very appealing here

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The once upon a time starting doesn't seem very appealing here. Also, you keep shifting the tenses, maybe work on that a little bit?

 Also, you keep shifting the tenses, maybe work on that a little bit?

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It is really hard to believe that a kid doesn't know what a puppy is. Also, that he hasn't gone outside the house at all. Maybe introduce a little bit of the family in the beginning?

chapter two

The starting of the chapter started really good but the flashback ending up getting a bit confusing. Like this one:

Since a lot of stuff happened in this chapter, it was pretty hard to follow

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Since a lot of stuff happened in this chapter, it was pretty hard to follow. Maybe slow down the pace?

Overall

This story has good potential; you just need to pay a little attention to grammar and a slower pace.

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