song suggestion : Marshmello x lil peep - spotlight
play on repeat:)
I never realized how lonely I really am.
I barely have friends.
I no longer have a boyfriend.
And I push my family away saving them the trouble of me being a heavy weight on their shoulders.
I need to stop believing that someone who wants to talk to me or be my friend finally gives me peace that I mean something.
I mean some things.
who am I kidding? I'm a sick nobody that is afraid of interaction with others.
fuck is wrong with me.
no wonder why Grayson felt the need to bring up something strange about me.
because there is something wrong with me and oddly strange.
"Monica!!" My mom yells from the kitchen quickly grabbing me away from the negative thoughts hat we're starting to cloud my mind.
"yes!" I yell back plainly , sigh like I always do.
I hear my mom talking with someone downstairs and then it finally stops.
I push myself off my bed and peek out of my door to see that it's Grayson.
the attractive brown haired boy that I fell in love with , which is now who I didn't want, well according to my mind, is now standing in the frame of the door.
we make quick eye contact that quickly stops from me ripping my eyes away from his hazel sympathetic eyes down to my door.
I take my head out of the crook of the door and quickly shut my door making sure to lock it.
I'm panicking now.
I make a leap to my bed and sit there staring at my bathroom door pretending I don't hear the loud bangs , knocks and "Monica please open this door" or "Monica please" pleads from Grayson and my mom.
I forcefully lay myself down and cover my ears to make sure it's just the sound of me breathing in and out.
Breathe in...
Breathe out...
Breathe in...
Breath ou-
All I hear is muffled panting and crashing coming from my door.
I calmly remove my hands from my ear and look to my left ; my bedroom door that is now concealed by Grayson and my mom.
oh they broke my door. great.
Grayson looks at me with those eyes of his and rushing over to me.
my face looks dread' of this dramatic seen in front of my eyes.
he runs over to hug me but I don't hug back , instead I flinch.
he grabs my arm softly and looks at me in complete sadness and disappointment.
I sit there numb to all of what's happening.
"what." I finally say completely unbothered breaking the silence.
"moni-" is all Grayson manages to say until I interrupted.
"no" i respond ordinarily said.
I lay down trying to sleep and let go of the situation and he sits himself down at the foot of my bed.
