TMI: Love and A Broken Heart.

Chapter 4.

CLARY'S P.O.V: I wait nervously outside of the institute, I text Alec that I have arrived and to come and get me. I can't bear to return to all my friends alone, Alec has to be with me or I will never do it. Within seconds of sending my text Alec is at the huge ancient doors of the institute, but he isn't alone. I see a figure standing some distance behind Alec, at first I thought it might be Magnus, you know him never leaves Alec's side anymore; but the silhouette walks forward more so I can see its face now, golden hair and golden eyes, I knew exactly who it was; Jace. WHAT WAS HE DOING HERE!? DID ALEC TELL HIM I WAS HERE!? I started to panic. I wasn't prepared to see Jace so soon, I don't know how I was planning to avoid whilst I was at the institute but apparently my planning isn't going to work anyway. I am standing completely still and the bottom of the institute stairs, I didn't mentally prepare for meeting Jace so soon. I knew that I had to speak to him sometime, but that time isn't now. "Jace, get away." he emerges completely now to stand beside Alec. "Jace I swear if you don't back inside that institute, I will leave and you will never see me again." Jace was processing what I had just said. i see the pain and hurt wash across his face, I can't stand looking at him when I caused him all this pain, I look down at the ground until I hear Jace's steps slowly start to fade back into the institute. Finally I look back up to the entrance and own see Alec standing there staring at me. It doesn't take long for Alec to run down the stairs and pulled me into a tight comforting hug. By now I don't even realise that I was crying.

Alec leads me into my old room, all of the memories with Jace, everywhere I look I am reminded of something I have done with Jace. The art easel that stands in the corner, reminds me of all the portraits of his golden locks, his scarred yet beautifully tattooed back that holds the marks that clearly makes him a Shadowhunter. The many images that I could create of Jace was infinite. There is only one other place that holds private memories of Jace and I. The bed, it holds all of the passion and love that we gave to each other, the place that got us both into this mess. I can't bear to think about all of the pain that I have caused my friends, Jace and myself.

I was so engulfed in my own memories and thoughts that I forgot that Alec was standing at the door, this was until he placed his hand on my shoulder. I turn to face him, he is the only person I can bear to show how much pain I am holding inside of me. I don't know what I am feeling anymore, I am so emotionally drained. I can't stand to be in this room anymore; I need to leave, again. But I know I can't go, I have made a promise to myself that I owe it to Jace and this baby to sort things out.

"Alec, I can't stay in this room, it's to-" at this point I can't stop the tears from falling. Alec always seems to catch all of them before they leave the bottom of my face, "Clary, I understand it is hard for you to be back in a place that reminds you so much of Jace; you can take my room." I try and dry my eyes but they are an endless stream of tears now, I nod at Alec's idea and hug him, Alec is my guardian angel.

"Okay hunny, you go and make yourself at home in my room and I will get you food and clean clothes, just try and get some sleep." Alec kisses me on the forehead and leads me out of my room and down the hallway into his room. Magnus was there sitting on the bed, he seemed to be in his own world, distracted by the purple flickering lights that he was creating from his own fingers. Alec shuts the door behind us and that seems to pull Magnus out of his magical world, he walks up to me and hugs me, I knew that Alec had told all of our friends what happened, but everyone knowing hadn't hit me until now. What will they all think of me? Will they kick me out of the institute? How will they react when they know that I am back? My vision blurs as the tears struggle to break free from my eyes for what seems to be the hundredth time today. Magnus soon notices that I am crying; "Are you crying?" I lift my head from his chest, "Clary, I know it's hard but this is real cashmere." oh Magnus never seems to put a smile on your face, no matter what you're going through.

Magnus and Alec keep me company throughout the night until I fall asleep. Magnus has taken my room, but Alec decided to sleep on the floor. I offered him the bed but he insisted that I have it. I woke at about 2a.m and my body refused to let me sleep again. I just laid there for about an hour before I knew what I wanted to do. Slowly I sit up and make my way towards the door, I open it and close it as quietly as I possibly can. I tiptoed down the hallway, this feels to familiar. Reminding me of all the times I crept down the hallways to see Jace, and this is exactly what I'm going to do again. I miss Jace, my feelings never changed for him, my love for this egotistical and witty and charming shadowhunter will never subside and keeping him away from his child will only prove harder for me as the years pass.

My anxiety was building up inside of me when I stand face to face with the door. i knock, ever so slightly, I bearly even heard it myself, but Jace is a shadowhunter, he can hear a ladybug walk. I was almost at breaking point; I was getting ready to abandon my plans, whatever they were, i wasn't really sure myself. My rushed actions, I didn't even have time to think about what i was going to say to Jace if he answered the door. But my body took control again, my arm raises to the door and knocks one more time. As i turn away to run away from my mistake, a hand grabs my wrist. 

A.N: I have decided to edit that chapter just a little and i am hoping to have another chapter of this story updated soon; I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to update, I have been really tied down to my school work over the past months and i have been really busy with other things. Thanks to everyone who has read it and i love you all :) xox