I'll Follow You - Ziall fanfic BoyxBoy

Chapter 25 - Zayn's P.O.V:

No, I've only been with him for just over a year...

He can't be gone, can he?

Is this just a horrible dream or...?

No, it can't be a dream, because even in my worst nightmare, I would never imagine something like this!

My whole body feels numb, physically anyway.

Mentally I'm just about surviving the agonizing torture, I loved him.

I can barely say his name without flinching or cringing, just thinking about us together hurt me. It started to feel as if it was becoming physical pain.

As much as I want to self harm, I can't do it. I've barely moved from the position Harry left me in when he dropped me off the other day.

Was it the other day? I haven't been keeping track.

I don't even know if it is day or night, the curtains are closed and they block out any light.

Slowly, I turned my head to the right, towards where his pillow is laying, and slowly I reached out with my hand, half out of my head as I imagined Niall laying next to my body, I ran my hand along his jaw, feeling nothing but stupid oxygen.

As I straightened my arm to it's full length, it clicked, reminding me that I haven't stretched in God knows how long.

Why can't I follow him? I said, on the first day of actually talking to him, I said "I'll follow you".. Yeah its weird how I remember, but I do. I remember a load of our conversations, I can't forget all the best times I've had with him.

Cautiously, I stood up, my legs feeling numb, hearing a few of my joints pop, and I wanted to have a stretch, my arms above my head, I could feel the pull against the muscles in my biceps.

Groaning, I flopped back onto the bed, burying my face into Ni's pillow, breathing in the faint scent that was already starting to fade away.

I let my eye lids flutter down, I needed some sleep, haven't slept properly in ages, since I last slept next to him.

That was the last time ever..

Pictures and video clips of our best times flashed as if it was tattooed onto my eye lids, and I couldn't help but watch, remember and cry about how much I missed it already.

Knowing that I needed to distract myself, I looked around for my phone, spotting it on the desk and I rolled over, dropping onto the floor and I crawled over, not wanting to stand in case my legs give up on me and I drop to the floor.

Kneeling in front of the desk, I moved a big folder looking book thing out of the way, then froze when I realized what it was.

A photo album me and Niall created on our one year anniversary. Smiling weakly at the title, I ran my hand over the cover. I took my phone before shuffling on my knees back to the groove my butt had created from sitting down for so long and I settled down, looking down at the book.

I wanted to look through it, but I also wanted a distraction. All these 'I want''s, but my biggest one is I want Niall back by my side, even if it was for a day, I'll just hold onto him, not letting go and I'll be ready this time.

Instead of looking at the pictures first, I went through my missed calls and texts, a couple from my sister Doniya, saying sorry she couldn't be with me due to her being in uni, but she loves me and to call her as soon as possible.

Some from Harry, also asking to call him when I was able too, and that he also loves me, within all the texts, that's what it was saying. They care for me or love me, or sorry for the loss, but the only different one was the one from Louis.

-Hey mate, mum had wanted to do the funeral as soon as possible, she wanted to know if you wanted to talk, like a speech? For Niall? If you don't, I understand completely, but yeah, please stay strong for me. Lou xx-

Should I? I might just break down in front of everyone, that's just on the first syllable. I will try though, I'll write it down plan it perfectly, just so that he would be proud of it.

-I'll do it mate, when is the funeral? Zayn x-

It was so damn hard to write funeral, I just can't bare to think of what would happen as he is lowered into the ground, all by him self. Jesus, what am I gonna do with out him?!

This is all Charlotte's fault, if only she accepted I weren't into her, if only she let me and Niall be together, he would be with me right now, maybe we would be outside in the park or something..

She deserves to die, literally. I wouldn't lose sleep over her dying, I officially hate her for persuading Niall to do that.

After Niall had died and I would listen to the doctor, he had explained that over the couple of days Niall was in the hospital, he had lost even more brain cell.

But then when he went to sleep, all of him had shut down, it was all a chain reaction like he said would happen when we first came in, and that his organs just shut down over the course of the stay.

The doctors didn't see the change, but when he fell asleep, that is why when he fell asleep, his brain shut down and his heart went along with it.

It's my fault too, isn't it? For not protecting him properly, and I was the one that had told him to go to sleep, if he didn't go to sleep, would he have stayed alive?

I looked through the missed calls, stopping after I reached Niall's name and put my phone down beside me. Picking up the book I left on my lap, I opened it to the first page of me and Niall pretending to have 'swag', and we put up a b on our right hand and did that sort of duck face, we both had sunglasses on, even though we were in the back of Louis' car.

Under it there was one of Niall having a piggy back from me, Louis on Harry's back and Liam in the middle, his thumb up. All of us grinning like mad men.

I continued flicking through all the images, tears coming to my eyes more and more as I looked at Niall's perfect angel face, I completely stopped on a picture of me and Niall in a ice cream shop in the shopping centre in Wimbledon.

We were sat opposite, one spoon in the bowl of ice cream and we both were leaning across the table and kissing, eyes closed and even though our lips were pressed against each others', you could tell we both had a big smile on our faces'.

I smiled at the memory, because before we got the ice cream we were in McDonald's that was across the hall way thing, and we had a tomato sauce drinking contest, and obviously Niall won. Then once we got our ice cream, Liam refused to eat it because of the spoon, and the man that worked in the shop called 'Big Mouth', he said they didn't really have any use of forks in a ice cream shop.

That was a brilliant day, it was leading up to Valentines' day, and those pictures were further on in the book..

These are some good memories that were created with in a year!

I'm just glad that I had a chance to make this book with Niall, instead of just doing it by my self after he has died..

.

.

.

-----------------------------------------------

.

.

Hii :3

As you can tell, this isn't the chapter that makes it better with Niall dying, I'm sorry to say that I'm not actually bringing him back, I have no way of doing that, but I think the chapter after the next is the one that makes up for everything..

Thank you for your patients and thank you to everyone that had commented for me to continue, you do not know how much I love you right now, if I could, I'd hug you tightly right now.

Vote, Comment, fan, thankss :D

Love everyone so much(:

Sarah <3 xx