Maneuvering Landmines (Converted Camren)

4/14

Seeing Camila covered in Slushies did nothing to quell the attraction she felt. If anything, the sight just stoked the fire more because seeing Camila bite her lower lip and blink back tears just before she plastered that big smile to her face only made Lauren want to scoop Camila into her arms and hold her close. But the thought of being that close to Camila again was just....it was too exciting and the knowledge that it was exciting made Lauren feel worse about herself and her self-opinion was the lowest it'd ever been. It was lower than she ever thought it could be.

Within the first month of the school year, other people began Slushieing Camila, too. At first it enraged Lauren, but then it sort of pleased her when she realized just how much power she wielded in the school during the first month of her freshman year.

'She's your sister' Lauren told herself harshly when she found herself staring at Camila's legs in one of the short skirts she seemed to favor. Lauren didn't know how her parents allowed Camila out of the house in those short skirts because they never allowed Taylor and they certainly wouldn't allow her-- and Camila was considered the baby of the family.

"You fucking pervert," she whispered to herself in the full-length mirror in her room.

That was the day she first called Camila 'ManHands' at school in front of a bunch of their classmates in their shared English class. After that, the names came easily-- RuPaul, Treasure Trail, Tranny and soon everyone else was using them, too.

It hurt Camila-- Laure could see the hurt written plainly on Camila's face and she could also see the plea to make it all stop in Camila's eyes. But she didn't make it stop-- she made it worse.

But she couldn't keep Camila down for long--no one could. From childhood, Camila would only allow showing that her feelings were hurt for just a moment or two, and then she'd plaster that smile back on her face.

She could see she repulsed Camila now.

They'd sit down at the dining table during a meal with their family and Lauren would say something and the dark-haired could see Camila jump and wince at the sound of her voice. That was hard to cope with-- as much as she'd adored Camila when they were kids, she knew that adoration was mutual. Camila did a good job from hiding her feelings from the rest of the world, but Lauren had always felt special, at least when it came to Camila, because Camila pretended to be someone else with the rest of the world, but she pretended less with Lauren.

It used to hurt her feelings that she was completely herself around Camila and Camila still sometimes put on an act with her, but Lauren just thought maybe that's what Camila needed and she tried to be okay with it.

Now when she was around, it was clear Camila was doing her best not to falter. To know that she was now just like anyone else in Camila's eyes was painful

--

Camila's fourteenth birthday was a few months into their freshman year in high school. She'd become particularly withdrawn, but Lauren didn't think it had anything to do with what was going on at school or at home-- Camila had a tendency to withdraw every March and that year was the tenth anniversary of her fathers' death. CamilA usually did a pretty good job of hiding it, but the tenth anniversary seemed particularly difficult and Camila didn't even seem to bother hiding the fact she was depressed like every other year. Lauren heard Camila crying out nightly which hadn't happened in a long time-- since they were kids, really. It got to the point where even their father seemed worried about Camila's obvious depression, and Mike never seemed particularly worried or concerned about Camila before.

"She's the only one I don't have to worry about," he told Lauren once. "She's the only one who always listens to us and has never talked back."

Camila became so withdrawn during the first couple weeks of March that their father pulled Camila out of her room and dragged her down to the dining table. Camila didn't protest, but she shuffled lethargically to the table. It was the first time she showed up to dinner in a week after claiming she wasn't hungry every night.