When You Can't Sleep at Night

"Dean?" Castiel whispered softly into the dark room. 

"Mhmm?" Dean groaned sleepily in response. 

"I- um, I can't sleep," Cas said quietly. 

Dean groaned and sat up in his bed and switched on the small lamp. After Cas lost his grace and became human, or at least as close as a former angel could possibly get, he had to sleep, so he started sharing rooms with Dean while Sam stayed in another room. This gave the brothers a little time apart and Cas and Dean more time together. 

Dean rubbed his eyes and faced toward Cas' bed. He saw the tired and sad expression on his face and his swollen, tear stained eyes. Cas was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. "Cas, what's wrong?" Dean mumbled, still trying to wake up. 

"I keep having nightmares Dean," Cas said weakly. 

Dean stood up and walked over to sit down on the edge of Cas' bed. 

"What were you dreaming about?" Dean asked quietly, trying to comfort Cas. 

"Everything I did. I let you down so many times, Dean. I killed so many people and angels, and I lied to you." 

Cas turned to face away from Dean, hiding so Dean couldn't see the tears pooling in his eyes. Sometimes this happened with Cas; he would have bad days where he was haunted by his memories: rebelling against heaven, working with Crowley, absorbing souls from Purgatory, bringing Leviathans to the earth, killing fellow angels, and, worst of all, hurting the one person he loved more than anything- Dean. These memories usually manifested themselves as nightmares, and although they had become less frequent, Cas still had them occasionally. But over the past few days, Dean had noticed a change in Cas. His eyes were dull, his expression blank, and his shoulders slumped, almost as if in defeat. Sam hadn't really noticed, but nothing about Cas escaped Dean's careful eyes. He loved Cas, after all. So Dean figured something was off, and began realizing how bad things really had gotten recently.

"Hey it's okay," Dean reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Cas turned to face Dean and rubbed his eyes. He moved over to make enough room for him. Dean rolled his eyes, but then smiled sweetly at Cas. Dean laid down next to the other man, secretly pleased at being so close to Cas. They faced each other, and Dean looked into Cas' eyes. He saw how sad Cas was by the lack of the usual brightness in his blue eyes. Dean gently brushed his fingertips across Cas' face, using his thumb to wipe away some of the tears spreading across his cheeks. "Look at me," Dean said, gently tilting Castiel's chin up. The former angel's deep blue eyes met Dean's green ones. Dean gave him another smile. 

"Cas, it's all over, and I forgive you. You did the best you could." 

"I hurt so many, Dean. And I- " Cas shuddered and slurred the words through his sobbing. "I let you down." 

He inched closer to Dean and buried his face in Dean's chest. Dean could feel the other man's tears soaking through his shirt. He wrapped his long arms around Cas. "Hey, Cas," Dean didn't know what to say, so he comforted Cas without anymore words. Cas gripped Dean's shirt with tight fists. Dean held him, trying to silently make him understand that none of those things mattered anymore. All that mattered was that they were together. Sam was safe, Cas was alive, and Dean was happy. Eventually the violent, shaky sobs began to subside, and Cas' breathing became slow and shallow. Dean knew he was asleep. Dean held him tight in his arms and gently kissed the top of his head. Cas groaned in his sleep and gripped Dean tighter, nuzzling even closer against him, if that was possible. Dean happily sighed and fell asleep as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

       Dean woke up with empty arms. He heard the shower going in the bathroom, and figured he would stay in bed until Cas got out. Dean had almost drifted back to sleep when he heard the bathroom door open. Dean had let Cas borrow one of his old AC/DC shirts and some jeans, since his usual suit and trench coat were a bit too much for the warm weather. The shirt was too big, and the hem hung loosely around the top of his thighs. Dean gave him a smile, and Cas returned it shyly.