Do you ever just have moments when it feels like only music gets you? Like the only way to feel your feelings is through a song? Or a beat? That's how I feel. My mother just asked if there was a hidden underlying message I've been trying to express through my lashing out or sarcastic comments. I don't see my attitude but at the same time I do. I don't know how to feel, or what to feel. This mood may be swept away soon but for now, it stays, it lingers. That's why I need music during these times. To keep the demons and bad thoughts at bay. To keep myself sane at times when everything seems to progress downward. When it seems like I'm hanging on the edge of a cliff called life, barley hanging on with nobody in sight. I wait. I hang. There is a crowd around me, begging to help led by the ones I love most. But I see no crowd. I see no crowd in my head. I see myself. Just myself and the music. As words pour out into a page instead of into others' ears. I sit in my room with the door locked as I wonder. "Is this all it will be?"
I fall further into my trance that is my classical music. I feel content but yet unsure of what will happen. I know there are others there for me but then again I don't. I don't feel it. Not in my heart. When these moods come around I feel...
N u m b.
Like I've cut out everyone in my life, as if the clock of time has stopped and I'm the only person moving. As I travel, alone and unsure.
- Joshua Irwin
