Requested by: masblack7 . I hope you enjoy the oneshot!
Warning: Depression, alcoholism, and suicide is included in this oneshot
Scenario: Reader-Chan is in love with Erwin. Erwin isn't in love with Reader-Chan but Levi is. One day on a mission Reader-Chan is severely injured. Falling into depression, Reader-Chan becomes an alcoholic and eventually commits suicide.
A/N: This is a pretty long oneshot so i've wrote it so in the beginning there's not as many details as in the end. I promise it gets better as you read on! I really hope you guys like this. It's sad though so you've been warned. A part of me almost cried because I saw myself in this oneshot and it was very emotional. I think because of that I tired not to make it too emotional or I think I would have balled my eye balls out. I really hope you like it masblack7 ! And I really hope it had the small details you requested for.
{Reader's Point of View}
My name is (your name) and I'm the youngest squad leader in the Survey Corps. Though I am young, that doesn't mean I'm not not as talented as others like Hanji. I've had my fair share of expeditions and pain. Usually, I didn't think twice about our expeditions but today was different. We where leaving for an expedition and a part of me told me it wasn't a good idea. For some reason, I was scared.
I looked ahead of me and saw the man I secretly loved, talking to Cadet Armin. Erwin. I couldn't help but love his personality and looks. I, however, recently decided to hide my feelings for him and just respect him as a commander. I wanted to ride my horse close up to his and express my worries to him but I wouldn't.
"Section Commander (Your name)." I heard one of my squad members call out to me as he rode his horse beside my own. "Is something wrong? You seem off edge."
Was it showing that much? "It's nothing. No need to worry."
That's what I told me squad member but my feelings were right. I shouldn't have lied and I should have talked to Erwin. Now here I was, blankly staring at my dead squad members, unable to move my legs. The last I saw was a titan reaching out toward me as I closed my eyes.
I couldn't remember what happened after I shut my eyes but when I woke up, Hanji was beside my bed side.
"How long was I out?" I asked her, not wanting to beat around the bush.
"Three days." I could tell by Hanji's voice something was wrong. And that wrong was something that happened to me.
"How bad is it?" I asked feeling a tear run down my cheek.
"You're paralyzed from the waist down. You're be in a wheelchair but I heard Erwin still wants you to stay in the Survey Corps. You'll probably have a desk job."
At the time, I don't think I completely understood what had happened but I did know one thing... the life I once knew was over. I no longer went on expeditions and I never started that desk job. There was only one word to describe what I felt after watching my squad members die and watching myself become paralyzed... depressed. I was depressed. So depressed that my best friend became alcohol.
I was drinking what little life I had away. It freed me off all pain and emotions. It whipped away the shame I felt from no longer being able to go on expeditions. Today was a day were I drunk too much.
"Can't you open your dame eyes you blind fuck?!" I yelled as Erwin walked into the cellar where I was located and tried to take a bottle of whiskey out of my hands. "You never notice anything! Just like how you can't notice that I'm useless! Just like you!" I found myself trying to insult Erwin without admitting my hidden feelings.
