helloimdeadinside

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by lupinstine

by lupinstine

that's not the title of the song but I just wanted to state a fact about myself real quick lmao.
If u wanna get super depressed then pls continue reading this. Imma just write down the song now so here ya go...

This song is called Whatever, I wrote it while going through a fairly recent rough patch, so it's extremely significant to me. I wanted to share this one first because it's one of my favorite songs that I've written, so enjoy.

☾I'm not a kid anymore ☾
But I wanna be
Spend so much time in my head
Seeing what I wanna see

I know it's difficult
You don't have to tell me every time
That you're sorry
In the end I'm just gonna say I'm fine

Pre-chorus:
They say time
Always goes by so fast
But sometimes I find myself wishing it
Wouldn't last

All the pain that I've gone through
Only to find that you never really cared

Chorus:
Will I always be alone?
Will I even have a home?
So many questions running through my mind

I've always had to hide my feelings
Refusing to think anyone would believe in them, anyway

I'll just say whatever and hide them away...
(End of chorus)

Bullets are my only company
There the only friends that I don't use

Spent my whole life running
In my head
While I sat there and took the abuse

Pre-Chorus:
But I don't care what they say
Cause I'm the end I'll just run away

Feel like I don't have a family anymore
Cause I ended up being betrayed

(Chorus)

I'll never bring a girlfriend to my house
Because I don't have either one
A place where I can lay peacefully
Or a love that's just begun

I'm convinced I'll be alone
For awhile or maybe longer
But I know that by the end of this
I'll either be dead or even stronger...

I think I'll always be alone
I don't feel safe within my home
I always let my nerves get the best of me
I've got no more feelings to hide
☾Cause I'm numb and I'm dead inside...☾

Okay so that was super depressing but still, I hope you enjoyed it and maybe you even related to part of it.
This song was written because my dad has never really excepted my sexuality and that was, and still is, very hard for me to go through.
He doesn't understand bisexuality or why I would want to be that way, regardless of how many times I've explained it to him.
Because of this I've just never really had a steady relationship with any girl I've liked. I haven't even dated a guy before because I figure...what's the point?
Anyway, hopefully none of you have had to go through this, but if you have, then I'm always here to chat if you need to.
If you have questions about certain parts of the song, I'll be happy to explain.

Tell me what you think! :)