Shelter animals. (+ a heartwarming page about my rescue dog).

How a rescue dog saved my life.

It was those experiences that taught me that animals aren't special based on their unique breeds, or the fact that they are a purebred, or the fact that they were easy from the beginning. Animals are special based on what you see in them, what you value in them, the bond and the love the two of you share.

Fast forward a few years to early 2017. This was the year that would change my life, forever. My brother owned a dog, who at the time was almost 8 years old. His name is Panda, and he's a blue heeler x kelpie x border collie (as far as I know, anyway).

The more I visited my brother, the more I began to realize that something was not right. Panda was an excitable dog, sure, his breeds meant that he had a lot of energy, despite his age. But the way he acted when I arrived, compared to the way he acted when my brother came outside, was indescribable. The fear was visual on his face when he saw my brother. The inner turmoil when my brother called him over was so obvious, the fact that he wanted to be so far away from him but also believed it was his duty as a pet to obey. That was something I couldn't ignore. So I kept watching. I began to notice other things, like the fact that he never had clean water, and his water trough was moldy, which proved water hadn't entered that trough in a long time. He was losing weight, and he was also losing fur. The depression was so evident on his whole demeanor, let alone just his face. I still lived at home when I was realizing how badly things were, my family home (my brother lived separately), was not dog friendly. After about a month, and roughly four separate occasions where Panda had escaped his chain, and the yard, and run away (each time I would have to drive down and find him), we had a scare. I received a message one morning from my brother, saying that Panda had run away again, and he didn't care where he was. So as usual, I drove down, searching lost and found posts and hoping, praying, that he would be there. This time, however, I had a sick feeling in my gut. I tried calling the local vet surgeries. He was dropped off at one of the vets, someone had found him after he'd been hit by a car and left there all night. The soft tissue around his spine was damaged, which still affects him to this day. I spent that night with him on the floor, cuddling him, massaging him softly so that he could fall asleep. He was so drugged up, but I just sat there and cried, thinking that could have very well been his last night. So, after that I decided that I was going to grow up, and save some money so that I could move out of home. So I did just that. The next few weeks were spent saving money, and on weekends we'd go down to the dog park so that he could have an escape, so that for those few hours, he could just be a dog. Unchained, untethered to his horrible reality.

We found ourselves in some share houses, bouncing around from place to place for different reasons. Till we came to our final share house - we loved it there. Panda had a husky friend that he adored, and I got along well with the other tenants. After a few months they decided to bring in another housemate, who owned a male german shepherd. Panda disliked him so much, that it caused a riff within the household, and I was told to leave. After that I had no where to go, it was right in the middle of the Commonwealth Games (we were located in the Gold Coast at the time), and basically everyone that had a spare room was renting it out for hundreds of dollars per night, let alone someone that needed long term accommodation. So we couch surfed for a while, we slept out in the cold some nights. We shared a motel room for 3 weeks, most of that was covered by my Go Fund Me, but it's still put me into some considerable debt. During that time, I lost everything. I had no possessions, I had no friends, I lost most of my family members. I had nothing left. Nothing I cared about, nothing to wake up for, hell - nothing to live for. Except him. He was my vice, he was my anchor, the only thing tethering me to this world. During that time he learnt my warning signs, he learnt how to deal with my depressive states, how to help me through them. He helped me from committing suicide more times than I can count. He learnt how to be my savior.

Now, I'm not saying that he was easy by any means. When I first took him in, I had a lot of moments of self doubt, wondering if I was the best option for him. Always second guessing that I could be doing more of something, less of another. Always looking for tips on how to deal with certain behaviours. I've spent over a grand total on his vet bills, when I got him he was in really bad condition. His skin and fur especially, he was in so much pain. He was fearful of so many things. Like doors, stairs, bug zappers. He was aggressive with other dogs (males), and also male humans. If a male approached him, he would attack on sight. It took 10 months to train out that behaviour but I did all of it with positive reinforcement. So that he now understands that there's nothing to fear.

He's a completely different dog now. He loves squeaky toys, and loves being hosed down. He loves car rides, especially four wheel drives. He loves sleeping, especially if it's on his favorite rug. He loves cuddles, and will beg you for them. It doesn't take long for a male to gain his trust before he's begging for cuddles.

I can easily say that I saved him, but I don't want to take credit for something that wasn't solely my doing, Panda is such a strong willed dog. He's always had such a desire for life, he wanted to get better. All he needed was me there, gently pushing him in the right direction. I won't take credit for that. But what Panda did for me, I can barely put into words. I have a lot of issues with myself, I'm someone that always feels like a burden no matter how many times I'm assured I'm not. I have panic attacks over things people wouldn't think twice about. I self harm when I'm stressed, or depressed. I become suicidal often. I distance myself before I get too close to someone, because I see myself as a ticking time bomb. Panda gave me a reason to continue fighting, despite how much I wanted to lay down and let everything consume me, he kept reminding me of what I was fighting for. That all I wanted was a better life for him, for us. He gave me a reason to smile in some of my darkest times, with his funny antics. He gave me an excuse somedays to do nothing at all, to just lay in bed with him and stroke his fur, to receive kisses every few minutes that remind me that I'm loved. So, I can say how much I helped him, how he would have lived an uncomfortable and horrible life until he eventually passed away. But he didn't just help me, he saved my life, not once, not twice, but countless times. Every day that I wake up, I wake up because of him.

Panda was abused, neglected. Seen as a yard ornament. He was treated like trash by the one person that should have seen his worth. My brother's wrong-doings gave me the biggest treasure I could have hoped for. 

The point of this story, is to bring some awareness to how incredible rescue or shelter dogs are. Some of them have had a hard life, so when you take them under your wing, promising to understand their mistakes, and celebrate their every triumph, that if you love them, despite all of their flaws, they will love you 10 times harder, till their very last breath. They would move heaven and earth to stay with you if they could, I hope you'd do the same.

His instagram is @panda.rescuedog if you'd like to see his adventures!