The whole school seems depressed over what happened five days ago. It kind of pisses me off that everybody could act so shocked over something they contributed to. What do you expect to happen after making somebody feel so worthless and wrong?
Carter was my best friend. There wasn't a thing in this world I wouldn't do for him. So when my mom got a call saying he shot himself I lost it. How could somebody so kind and amazing be pushed so far to put a bullet through his skull? Why didn't I know it was hurting him so much? I knew his family had trouble accepting his sexuality but he always put on a brave face when talking about it. Even in school when somebody would bully him he acted like it was nothing. He should have told me. There must have been something I could have done to prevent this.
"Archie?" I look up from the floor tile in front of my locker and turn to Linda. We don't talk but she's been doing her best with helping everybody through the death. "Your palms are bleeding..."
I unclench my fists and wipe the blood on my jeans. With a nod, I shut my locker and head down the hall towards my class. The worst part about going to this class is I have to pass Carter's locker. All the flowers, pictures, gifts, and cards make me want to scream. Everybody cares so much all of a sudden even though a week ago they laughed at him when he was pushed onto the floor and he spilled his coffee all over his shirt. Where was their sympathy then?
The sound of crying makes me look up and I see Sarah standing in front of a picture of Carter that was put on his locker. She has always made me upset. Carter felt so betrayed when Sarah didn't accept him and took their parents' side. She would treat him like a stranger during school and if they did talk nothing good came out of her mouth. If he was my brother I would have done everything I could to change our parent's views.
I go to turn around to take a different way to class but Sarah yells, "Wait, Archie!"
I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. "I have nothing to say to you."
"Please, I need you do do something for me..."
I turn around scream, "WHY WOULD I DO ANYTHING FOR YOU AFTER WHAT YOU PUT CARTER THROUGH?!" Sarah visibly flinches. I glare one last time before heading towards the doors to leave school. I can't do this. There's too much to deal with. I thought getting out of the house would help distract me, but being at school is only making it worse.
"Listen to me, please!" Sarah begs while running after me. I turn around to glare at her but she isn't looking at me. Her eyes are locked onto the ground while she hugs herself.
"I listened to you enough when you would torment Carter through the halls. I have no reason to hear what you have to say." I can't help the tears that run down my face. I'm just so angry and hurt!
"I know I was wrong. I should have-"
I cut her off by kicking the streetlight pole and yelling, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE! I ALREADY KNOW AND EITHER WAY IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"
Sarah stares at me like she's scared to say anything else. Good. She's finally learned to shut her mouth.
I turn around and take deep breaths while heading towards the bus stop.
"Bailey..." I stop in my tracks as Sarah says Carter's dog's name.
"What?" I turn to look at her.
"Please take care of Bailey," she whispers while walking towards me. I look ahead and clench my fists.
"Why? Too much trouble for you?" It wouldn't surprise me. Sarah has always been someone to only care about herself.
"Bailey hasn't been the same since Carter died. She's so depressed and doesn't trust me. I don't blame her after everything she's witnessed me do to him. But she's always loved you. Please, take care of her."
Bailey was the one good thing Carter had in his house. When I wasn't available to help him if needed he would hug her and she would keep him distracted. I can't imagine how Bailey feels right now with Carter gone.
"Drop her off at my house." With that I pull my backpack up and continue to the bus stop. I can hear Sarah trying to muffle her cries with her hand. I doesn't make me feel any sympathy towards her.
If she's acting like she cares so much now, why couldn't she show it when Carter was alive? And why didn't Carter think about the good things in life?
Whenever Carter would break down, he'd say how he doesn't deserve any love and it was all his fault. He would sometimes question whether I really cared about him or not. Did he finally believe that? Was it because of me he was finally able to snap? Did I not show him I care enough?
"Carter... you idiot," I mumble with my voice cracking as I lean my head on a tree. "No matter how many people told you otherwise, you were never alone. You always had me. Why couldn't you see that?" I wipe my face angrily. "Now I'm alone. We had each other but not anymore. I don't blame you. I never will. I'm just so angry you didn't say how hurt you were..."
I push myself off the tree and put my hood up. At least I'll have Bailey with me.
*I wanted to make a really short third part for this just to kind of show the after effect. What do you guys think? It's not the best but its 2 a.m. and for some reason I got really inspired to write. Hope you guys enjoy it. <3 I'll always be here for you if you need it.*
