The 5 Times Simon Said Goodbye And The One Time He Didn't Have To

Dear Clary

Dear Clary,

We have spent many years growing up together and I have many regrets. My biggest regrets are that I never told you how much I was in love with you when I was still alive and the second was that we will never grow old together.

You were my best friend and I am sorry to have to leave you like this but I know deep down that you will be fine. I mean come on, you never needed me! Your a fricking shadowhunter! Your brave and strong and you have found your place in this world. You will live an amazing life and tell your children stories of our antics as children. I hope someday you will look back and not remember the monster I have become but the nerdy kid I once was.

I'm leaving tonight and I know you will be sad but you have to promise me that you will keep your head up. You will grow old and I...well I will be gone. Please don't cry and I know it's hard but you have this brand new life to explore. Do me a favour? Never forget that all the stories are real...that I was real.

It's crazy to say goodbye in a letter. It feels like I could write forever telling you to never forget our times together and that you are beautiful beyond compare but the truth is I don't want you to remember me. Don't spend your life pondering why I didn't stay. It was never you. It's not your fault and don't let anyone convince you that. I know your scared because the world is now bigger then we ever thought with creatures that lurk in the dark but you will always be safe. An angle watches over you Clary Fairchild.

Know this Clary, in the short time that I have been part of the downworld I have learnt much and I give this knowledge to you hoping you will use it to save millions of lives. There are many downworlders that you should fear. They lurk around corners waiting for their next victims BUT there are also many with families and lives like any mundane. In fact some protect the innocence of mundane. They work in hospitals, fire stations and they live and die with honour. Yet they must fight 10x harder to live.

I ramble, you always hated that. I am scared Clary. Every time I look in the mirror I see this thing that only a few months ago I didn't even believe in. I'm in over my head and if it wasn't bad enough that I lost my family when I died but now I have lost the only family I could of had. Yes, they were misfits, underdogs and some would say monsters but they were my friends. They made me feel safe and I betrayed them. I'm not angry that I did because your mother ment a lot to me...I just wish there has been another way.

Clary, you were everything to me once upon a time and to this day I would die to keep you safe but sometimes there is a pain in my unbeating heart and I know that I am just not meant to be here. To myself I am a monster and not just because I have fangs and drink blood, though it doesn't help my case, it's because of the way I feel. I can't taste food or breath air. I can't enjoy the sun on my skin or something as silly as waking to the birds sing.

I really hope you don't hate me for this and I beg of you to not try and save me. I don't need saving this time. I need to feel peace.

I love you Clary Fairchild and you are the best friend any boy, girl, shadowhunter or downworlder anyone could have. You have given me reason after reason to keep going and I am so greatful. You will be absolutely amazing and I know that someday some new shadowhunter will be ready the history of you and think "wow...she's fantastic." Because that's how I felt when I first saw you.

I want to say I'm sorry but I'm not because this is the first thing I am doing for myself in a long time. I will cling to your smile and that stupid laugh until my last mintues.

Thank you. Thank you for being my friend, for being the nice girl who didn't pick on me at school, for loving me even if it was just as friends, for coming to every gig I ever had and for being there in my last moments of life.

This is Simon Lewis checking out.

Goodbye Clary.

Love Simon xx