Spectator

*Day 3*

Angel, I am so tired, and sitting in the bus on my way home. I am praying that my vision won't activate now. Please, I'm tired okay. Cut me some slack. The blue notebook is on my lap and I am debating what to write down besides this. My phone is playing some positive mood playlist from Spotify. My pen is scribbling down whatever comes to mind, and even though I don't want it to happen I feel the same way as before a thunder storm is starting. You know it's coming, and you know there is no stopping it. I feel the need to write down how it happens, when it happens and what I see.

Then I hear an unusual sound. It's a bark from a dog, but not a normal one, it's like he is in pain. My head spins in a split second and I look to the passengers on the bus. As I am turning my head my thoughts start to feel funny, like fog is making my thoughts disappear. Then the me that is in my mind vanishes and the last thought that crosses my mind is 'Here we go again.'

I thought everything was going fine. I didn't feel the usual light-headedness, or the weird tingling feeling behind my eyes, all I had was my gut feeling telling me something is about to happen. My pen scribbling intensifies and the world explodes into sound and colour.

My eyes are drilling through everyone's masks and I feel as if I am the only one who is courageous enough to look anyone directly in the eye. Without the fake show they put on, to actually look at someone, not as just a human, but as a person. My mind will try to read what it going on in their lives and will adjust my energy to it, to make sure that I don't get noticed by anyone. Make your smiles to older people genuine, and don't judge someone by their appearance. In this state of mind I feel vulnerable, yet very powerful.

In slow motion the next couple of seconds pass by, and my mind runs on maximum speed. In the corner of my eye I saw a man standing in the middle of the bus, and he owns the dog that made the unusual barking sound. Right now it is moving around down at his feet. Two students had been passing through the middle of the bus to the back, a boy and girl. The guy seems to have an interest in the girl, and I am not quite sure if the girl knows this or that they are dating and she isn't sure about it. She seems somewhat distant to him or... My mind decides that these are minor details and that I should look for more other details.

The girl had passed the man with the dog without any problems. But then when the guy had passed the man, the guy tripped half over and on the dog and walks on but then looked back in surprise. The man who owns the dog starts yelling things, but my mind doesn't seem to process what. I see the guy apologising but the girl and the boy are both giggling. Why would you be giggling at something like that? Why would you walk on? Why don't you stop and check if the dog is fine and sincerely apologise to the man? Strange human beings.

The man's voice fades away but his eyes are glued to the guy. I am curious what is going on in his mind, and I am also surprised that he didn't even kneel down to check how his dog is doing. Then I see a second woman, standing next to the man. Before I didn't even notice her, she wasn't doing anything special that needed my attention. Now the man is giving disapproving glares to her about the situation and shakes his head. The woman seems to agree, not that she says anything but her whole energy says it all. They don't seem to know each other though and after a couple of seconds the woman seems to get uncomfortable and looks away. The man just stands there, still annoyed, but also still hasn't checked on his dog. My eyes stay on them for another minute and then I turn my gaze to the road again. I see bright lights from the road and far away houses. It will only be another 15 minutes before I get home. The light flashes by and my thoughts slow down, my body feels as if it's mine again and as in automatic reaction I look down at my notebook and see a filled page.