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Brad

I walked into my room and sat down on my bed when i noticed a folded a piece of paper next to me with Brad written in Maddies beautiful hand writing...

Brad, first of all I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. You don't deserve any of this, any of my shit... By the time you read this I'll be on a plane with him. Olly. He's taking me out of the country I have no clue where, but I'm scared. Anyway this isn't about me. It's about you and how much I love you, and I'm sorry I never said it enough...

You will never understand how much you mean to me, and how much I wanted you to be the one I shared my life with... Everything about you was my safe haven, from your big brown doe eyes to the way you'd hug me or kiss me when I was least expecting it. It was always you, from the day we met when I was 16 at your 18th it was always you. When I walked in and I seen you I knew then and there that this was the boy I wanted in my life forever... Then we got talking and a reality hit me! Reece, he's everything you would want in a brother and I'm thankful he gave us what time we had together (even if half of it was spent in a hospital room). The day you found me in my bedroom, when you found out about my depression and the cutting, was also the day I knew I loved you. Because I do, as much as Olly wants it to be him it's you. Then when we were in the hospital and we had to tell Reece and the rest of the boys, you were there holding my hand. Through it all. Let me tell you something. When you told me I was strong it was a lie... And I knew it was a lie because it was you keeping me going, so really you're the strong one.

You're gonna have to get used to sleeping alone, I'm sorry about that I know we promised we wouldn't ever have to do that but we haven't got another choice... I'm not angry at you Brad, I wasn't ever angry... Even when we were fighting I wanted to be with you, just because we were fighting it didn't make me love you any less then I do right now. 

So I've decided, when I land in wherever I'm going, Olly won't get what he wants because I'm going to end this mess. And you need to promise me you'll move on, I'm gonna end it. I'm not strong without you.

Brad, honey, Bradley bear, babe... but I guess now it's just Brad. I love you unconditionally, if this was all we had, if this was our little infinity then I'm glad I got it with you... I couldn't have asked for a better infinity than this.

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." - Braddie (because we don't like Madley)

I love you x

"Everything's a risk"

-Maddie <3