Letters to No One

Letter 2

Dear You,

I despise listening to depressing music without you. Our playlist of songs, playing on repeat, the lyrics spinning through my head. The sweet rhythm of the piano and delicate strum of the acoustic guitar ringing in my ears, drowning out the voices.

I can't help but relate to the metaphoric lyrics, a dark hole beginning to form in my heart, where your place is in my heart. Inspiration isn't always great, knowing that the inspiration for me to write a "sad" song, may stem from your not responding to me.

This feeling keeps building inside of me, one that I have never felt before. My soul yearning for any source of comfort.

Family doesn't help, they only push me further into my hole of guilt. Friends don't know what's going on with me, rumors have started, ones that I refuse to listen to you. What you don't know can't hurt you, right, if only that were true with you.

People attempt to give me advice, but what they don't realize is that I am better at giving it, than receiving it.

A few days ago I went over to friends house, and I was talking to her sister. She wears an insane amount of bracelets, that can sometime cause marks to form on her skin. They made fun of the marks, laughing and pitying those who use the blade, like you.

Self harm can take form in many shapes, is what they don't realize.

I miss you so much, all day, everyday, every hour of every damn day, my thoughts are about you.

People keep telling me that I can be helped, even though we don't know what the problem is. Some say I'm a hypochondriac, but don't they hear my pleas, begging for the pain to go away. Physical pain and emotional pain, I have concluded, are remarkably similar. The "symptoms" different, but causing the same amount of pain.

I've become quite numb while my mom drones on, screaming at me, frustrated, taking out her anger on my sister and I. My father is manipulative, like a hungry shark, watching your every move, giving you that weird feeling of discontent, until he finally comes out of the shadows, and swallows you whole, no last words.

If he had asked me what my last words what have been, I would have simply answered "Fuck the entire world."

Sincerely,

Me, who wrote this letter to you while listening to our depressing playlist