You Are

You Are: Chapter 4

Chapter 4-

This past month has been so hard. After Matt's death I have been trying to keep myself together. The funeral was the worst; everyone was comforting his parents and I. People would come up to us and say "I'm sorry for your loss" but I would look into their eyes and know they're lying. Everyone knew Matt would die eventually, and they're not sorry about it. People would try to be sincere, but I wasn't having any of it. All I wanted to do was run somewhere, escape all the madness. And believe me, it hasn't been easy. I feel like all I do is sit in the apartment, waiting for Matt to come home for work. I go to classes most of the time, but I run home to see if he's back. I don't want to think that I'll never lay eyes on Matt again. That the last time I saw him was lying on the floor in our apartment.

I got up from the bed and walked to the fridge. The pity everyone gives me is killing me. Liz and Tally have been really nice, but it's not the same. They come and visit me every day, sometimes three times a day. They check up on me, make sure I'm eating. I don't think they understand what it feels like to lose your love. Your life long love. I just didn't know what to do. What could I eat this time? Tally brought ice cream, but I felt like I was gaining weight. Misery was hard to deal with without ice cream. Oh what the hell... Ice cream it is. I took my Mint Chocolate Brownie Ice Cream with me to the couch, I turned on The Notebook and sat down. For some reason the romantic comedies helped me, the yelling between Noah and Allie reminded me of us... Us. I really try not to think of him. All of the memories would flood back, and I still couldn't handle that.

I heard a knock on the door as Allie was running back to Noah. I got up from the couch and walked to the front door. Tally was standing there looking all excited. 

"Good Morning Maggie! I'm glad you're already awake, I brought you some healthy food, and I'm taking the ice cream with me. You've had plenty of that..." As she was ranting about nothing I watched her put food into the fridge and take stuff out, she was throwing everything in the trash. 

"Tally! What are you doing?" 

"Saving you." Those words made me freeze.  

"Saving me? Who says I need to be saved?" 

Tally looked up up and down. 

"Maggie, I hate to say this but you look horrible. You need to turn your life around, Matt isn't here to drag you down again. You are a good person with a good head on your shoulders. You need to stop living in the past with him and start making something for yourself. I know you're taking your classes, and I'm happy you are, but have you realized that we will be seniors this coming fall? Seniors. That means we need to get jobs and start wondering what we're going to do after college. I know you're not ready to face the rest of your life without Matt, but you have to do it." 

I fell into the chair and slumped over. Tally was right. I hated to admit it to her, but she was. Life around me was moving on and I'm stuck here. I needed to move on with my life, and she was right. 

"I know." 

"You know? Well I thought this was going to be a lot harder to explain to you but I'm glad it's not. When's your next class, Mag?" 

"I don't have another class until the fall. I finished my summer classes." 

"Oh... well alright. Let's go job hunting, maybe we could find something that could take your mind off everything. I'll call Liz and we'll go out." 

"Fine Tal. Just no waitressing jobs." 

Tally looked at me confused. Then I saw a spark of 'Oh yeah, Matt was a waiter.' Tally quickly covered the memory and answered.