Stay With Me

Am I Wrong

Taehyung's POV

Today's the day. I've been avoiding it for a while now, but I can't today. Instead of just rehearsing for the concerts like we have been nowadays, we're actually going out into the public as BTS. We're participating in a music event of sorts, along with a few other idol groups. Here, I can't run from it anymore. I have to act, I have to distance myself.

In the meantime before the event, we're still practicing. We have to practice. There's not a single second available for us to waste. Not today, at least. I really should be trying to improve, but during practice, all I can think about is what expected of me. How am I going to know if I've done the job right or not? Unease churns in my stomach, yet I ignore it as much as I can. Nothing good will come out of getting worked up. I have to keep myself calm. It can't be hard, right? Just stay away from Jungkook as long as the public can see us. It's not difficult, it shouldn't be difficult, so why am I overthinking so much?

The more that I think about it, the worse that I feel. Why do I have to avoid him like this? So what if we're in a relationship, why does that matter? Sometimes I really hate the way that our society is... it shouldn't matter if we're dating, or who we're dating. Can't we just be happy?

First on the schedule is, of course, practice for our concerts. We have to prepare as much as possible before the start of the tour, so I don't really mind practicing so much. It can get a little repetitive, though, a little boring. The monotony of practicing like this doesn't do anything to help distract me from the decisions I have to make. In fact, it only makes me think about it, and worry about it more. Therefore, I need a moment to myself. I need to just... escape for a moment before I drive myself insane.

In the brief break that we get before heading into the next section of songs, I slip out of the practice room and head down the hallway. I have a clear motive in mind, a clear objective. I'm going to the bathroom, and I'm going to talk to Bogum, finally. Even after reassuring myself that I needed someone to talk to, and that Bogum would be perfect for the job, I still hesitated to call him. I just don't want to get him mixed up in something precarious, is all. I don't want to get him- or myself- in trouble.

Still, I can't do this alone anymore.

I can't keep this to myself.

Clutching my phone tightly to my chest, I finally race to the bathroom, my heart in my throat. I'm sure nobody will notice if I slip away for a few moments. Hopefully a few moments will be enough for me.

Taking a few deep breaths, I rush into the bathroom. With a quick look to make sure that I'm alone, I dive into one of the stalls and pull my phone out of my pocket as quickly as I can. I can't breathe as normally as I want to, and even though I've been feeling like this a lot lately, I still can't get used to it. It feels like I'm suffocating to death until the moment I fall asleep, only to wake up and suffocate all over again.

Sniffling softly, I dial Bogum's number and bring the phone to my ear, hoping and praying that he'll actually answer. What if he doesn't answer? Will I be able to get through this on my own? I didn't think about what might happen if Bogum doesn't answer, or even worse, if he decides that he can't- or doesn't want to- help.

What am I going to do then?

What if I really am all alone in this?

Starting to get irrationally emotional, I cling to my phone so tightly that my knuckles turn white. I'm so worried about Bogum answering me, that I don't realize it when he actually does.

The dull ringing breaks into silence, and merely a moment later, Bogum speaks, his voice as sweet as honey. One of my favorite things about Bogum is his voice. He reminds me of Jungkook in a lot of ways, this being one of them. They're both incredibly gentle with me, and that may just be their innate nature, but it makes me feel special. As a friend, and in Jungkook's case, as a boyfriend, these two really know how to make me feel warm and loved. Whether it's with the simple sound of their voice, or something much more, I know that I'll be okay when I'm with them.