Stay With Me

Spring Day

Jimin's POV

Pins and needles prickle from beneath my skin and I study the glass in my hand, the caramel colored liquid swaying from one side to the next. I keep my head down, afraid to lift it.

Finally, Hoseok, Yoongi and I are talking. Through the last stop of the tour and the few days of recuperation after, we've hardly spoken. Yoongi and I aren't that awkward, but when we're with Hoseok, it's... I can't say what I want, so I don't say anything at all.

I was patient. I waited for Hoseok to come to us. And finally, he did. So here we are, in a nearby restaurant, sitting across from one another with drinks in our hands. Regardless of how this conversation goes, we plan to rent a room together. It's not of ill intention. The members and I agreed to give Taehyung and Jungkook the dorms to themselves. No matter what happens, I can't ruin that for them.

Since we got here, nobody's said a word. We ordered out drinks, received them, sipped on them, and that's it. I want to start a conversation so, so badly, but I'm afraid of coming off too strongly.

Things may not have ended on the best of terms between Hoseok and I, but the truth is that I really care about him. It hurts to see him in pain because of me. I just want him to talk to me again, like normal. I don't want to see him make that face anymore.

The alcohol calls to me, but I refrain from drinking more. I want this to be genuine. Even if I'm suffocating, for once, I don't want to run away.

"So," Hoseok starts. "Thank you for coming here with me."

My blood runs cold at the sound of his voice and my muscles tighten. I instinctively shrink in on myself, my head still bowed. Beside me, Yoongi stays still.

"First, I wanted to say that I'm sorry. That conversation that we had... I reacted too violently. I didn't mean to blame you like that, Jimin. I was just confused."

"No," I tell him. "I understand. It's a lot to take in and I didn't exactly make it easy for you. You don't have to apologize."

"No, I do," Hoseok protests. "I do have to apologize. Despite the circumstances, I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"Hoseok-ah, it's okay," Yoongi says. "You needed time. We knew that when we told you, you would need time. Don't blame yourself for something you couldn't control."

"I still feel like I need to," Hoseok says. "Because even if I couldn't help it, my reaction is the reason that things are the way that they are now. No matter how small it might be to you, I want to take responsibility."

I fall silent. He's stumped me. I want to tell him not to worry, but in something like this, it's better to concede. Hoseok is impenetrable; even if I had a good retort, he wouldn't back down.

Sensing our silent affirmation, Hoseok pulls his glass closer to himself and continues.

"So, regarding what you two said... I'm still not sure if I get it. I'm not even sure if I want to understand. But I'm not mad at either of you. I want you to know that. Even you, Jimin. Even though I have reason to be mad, I'm not. Because this isn't a matter of choice. It's a matter of heart. How could I blame you for not knowing your own heart?"

His words hit me harder than he probably intended, and I bite my bottom lip, stowing the dam that swells within me.

"I know that loving more than one person is possible," Hoseok says. "I just never thought that I would be involved in it. And I'm not sure if I want to be. I... I do love you two. Greatly. I'm just not sure if a relationship like that is a good thing. I'm not sure if I can love two people romantically like that. And this love... I guess I feel the same way you do, Jimin. I'm not sure if it's really romantic or platonic."