My Dark Soul

Make it

I used to think that I could make it through

and god was I wrong. 

In order to keep breathing you have to want it, 

and I don't want it. 

I just want to be over, 

done, 

asleep forever.

I want you , 

and I want her, 

and I want serenity. 

Because I shouldn't want either of you

because of what you did to me.

She broke me, 

and you took my already fragile heart

I kept waiting for you to say sorry

and her to come back

but my soul was none the wiser

for thinking it ever might happen. 

She will never understand, 

and you did, 

but you love cocaine, alcohol, someone not afraid, and anyone who's not me. 

I changed my head, heart, hair, humor, 

and everything about me

so I could be loved by you.

I threw my morals aside

fucked you like it meant something, 

kissed you like you were my air, 

loved you like you were my infinity, 

and you can see how well that turned out. 

The truth is, 

your heart was fragile too

and someone who was better looking, 

had drugs, 

could give you more sex, 

made more sense than someone who just wanted to love you. 

So you tore a hole in me that can never be repaired

but I still love you, 

hell I still love her.

She comes up more now

than when she was around. 

I should have just killed myself then

and saved myself now, 

her harassment, 

her blame, 

her thoughts.

I can't escape her.

I was dumb trying to saver her,

but I never asked for this. 

I wish I has just killed myself on my birthday,

and never saw another year, 

but I didn't.

I just want to be fine. 

Why was it always one after another? 

Her, 

Her, 

You, 

Her, 

Her.

Every Mistake I made was because I want to be dead

and if you ever see this, 

you'd probably laugh

and push it aside, 

because my body bleeding out

had nothing to do with you. 

If you're not careful

you'll have caused a body count,

and It'll be you to blame.