Bungou stray dogs. || One - Shots.

Don't you see it? I'm dying. || Dazai

You ordered your 4 glass wodka. You knew that you would be drunk at the end of the night, but you didn't cared. Your going to this bar every night, hoping that you forget him just for a moment. Maybe next morning you're ending up in another man's bed, just for a little bit fun that you had last night. Or you wake up in the hospital, because you had taken an overduse of drugs to you.

You were only 17 years old. You worked with the port mafia. But now, after he left you neglect your work. You just waited that the mafia would kill you because they are thinking you're betraying them.

But they never killed you.

After 4 years, nothing had changed. Just because he had to left the mafia, you're now addicted to drugs and alcohol, just because he broke up with you, your depression grew.

But your still shining, like lightning.

But your still laughing, like
a god.

And you're telling yourself, that everything is okay, that you're having fun.

But you're dying.

And it was tiring.

                  Flaschback

"Dazai?" You knocked on his apartment door.

No answer.

"Dazai?" You're anxiety grew. What if something happened to him, or if one of his suicide attempts was succefull?

You were going to chuuya's apartment, knocking on his door.

He opened the door.

"Y/n? What do you wa-" you cutted him off, asking your question "Do you know where Dazai is?"

Chuuya looked down, he knew that you were togheter with Dazai.

"He had left the mafia, y/n ... we don't know where he is." He said sad.

He supposed you to be sad, but you just smiled and thanked him, only to burst out of tears in your apartment.

The next day's and year's where pure punishment.

    
            Flaschback ends

You just wanted to go to your favorite bar to get drunk and having a little bit fun, but then you saw him. He turned around to face you, faking his smile, saying a simply "Long time no see, y/n! How are you?" to you.

At this moment, you feelt nothing. This smile wasn't the smile you were used to. You wanted to change his smile so badly, but you couldn't. It would hurt to much, to have him around you all the time like in your old good days, to help him when his happy facade broke down, like in your old good days.

Oh, how you just wanted to kiss him so badly.

But you faked a smile like him, and all you said was

"Don't you see it? I'm dying."