ALPHA || TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET

038

The next day

sooo... guess what
5:21 PM

what
5:21 PM

i'm outside walking what about you
5:21 PM

making dinner!
5:22 PM

can i call?
5:23 PM

yes please
5:23 PM

Before I can hit "call" on his contact screen, my phone rings, his contact photo displayed. It's a cheeky selfie he took one night when he stole my phone.

"So," I start, "you know Lara usually works nights and I work mornings, so sometimes we go a while without spending much time together. Well, she just texted to let me know that tonight she's finally off. Which means we'll both be home. Which means we get to watch a movie."

"What movie?"

"This indie flick, looks pretty good I think. Director Luca Guadagnino, some Oscar nods I think? Oh, starring some punk named Timo-tay Chalamet?"

"Oh! Really? Finally!" I can hear the bashfulness on his laughter and how badly he wants to hide it. "Wow. Okay, I'm excited for this. This is exciting."

"I'm so excited. Lara wouldn't let me watch it without her and I've been so impatient. But I also feel like I've gotten a true inside look at all the separate components that make up this film. And I've been itching to see it all play out," I tell him. "Oh, also to see what all of this peach hype is about."

He chuckles. "I'm excited, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of nervous?"

"Why's that?"

"It's pretty typical, happens when someone especially close to me watches me in a film. Like I'm really interested in what they'll think."

"Okay. Well, I already know I'm gonna love it."

"Okay."

"I'm proud of you."

I hear him laugh again, "thanks" said almost inaudibly. The phone speaker nearly glows from the smile I hear on him.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I just got to this park to sit and do some reading. The director mailed me this copy of a commentary on Shakespeare's Henry V and recommended I go through it."

We talk until Lara comes home, and she yells a "hi Timothée" at my phone after greeting me. Later after we've hung up, she's setting up the television and I'm serving the pasta.

"So is he your boyfriend now?" she inquires.

"Um. I — no."

"Well, you guys act like it. Just talk about it! Ask him yourself, take control."

"That's helpful, thanks," I say flatly.

"Is it that you just haven't talked about it, or you're waiting for him to bring it up?"

"Same thing."

"It's simple. One question, three words — what are we?"

"I know, I know, it's — I don't know. I'm not gonna do that. It'll come up when it comes up." I spoon tomato sauce onto two bowls of spaghetti, one hand on my waist. "I just, ugh, I don't want to think about that. Commitment is scary. There's also that thing where he's currently in a different timezone in a different country, and he could meet someone new at any moment."

"Have you brought that up? That last part?"

"Kind of."

"And what did he say?"

"He said that's not gonna happen, and he promises," I say like I'm confessing something, mimicking the last part with hand gestures. "He reminds me every single time I bring it up because I worry too much. And want him to have his freedom, you know? And he says he understands, with the circumstances and everything, so he reminds me almost every day. Like when he flat out tells me he doesn't want to meet anyone else, or that he's waiting to come home to me or fly me up. And in small ways too, I guess, like for one, how he always remembers to text me good morning, without fail."

"Marley, he is quite literally your boyfriend."

Moments later, Lara and I are on the couch with bowls of spaghetti, wrapped in blankets, the movie starting.

**********

My thumbnail is between my teeth, being chewed to bits. Small, still tears begin to trickle down my cheeks, even more currently pooling in my eyes.

"...is it a video?..."

It's like my heart is a bowl of water and now I feel it spilling everywhere inside me. My chest hurts. Everything hurts. It's as if every single emotion I've ever felt in my life was felt in just the past two hours. It's as if I've discovered emotions I didn't even know I had.

"...is it a video?..."

Lara tosses a box of tissues at my head.

I'm crying into the couch armrest. Lara leans over to rest her chin on my shoulder.

"I fucking warned you."

**********

i know you won't see this until you wake up but you didn't tell me that this film would singlehandedly fuck me up
11:35 PM

bitch this movie fucked me up it fucked me sideways
11:35 PM

talk more tomorrow ok goodnight
11:35 PM

"What are you doing up? Isn't it like 4 AM?"

"I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I've been penciling through my script, and then I got your texts. You're precious. But are you okay?"

"No, Tim, I'm not."

"What did you think?"

A sob escapes me. "It was...ethereal."

"No, don't cry, I don't like hearing you cry."

"This film just fucked me up."

"She hasn't stopped crying for twenty minutes," Lara shouts.

"Timmy, you have so much in you, holy fuck. You — this film — listen, like I couldn't even tell it was you. I mean, when I was watching I saw very little of you. I only saw Elio."

"So you liked it. That makes me really happy."

"I always knew I would."

"So...the peach?"

"Oh right, the peach, which you fucked on film."

"But did you understand it? The whole scene?"

"The metamorphosis of Elio's desire. It was so beautifully constructed, all of it. And the ending? Goddamn."

After more banter, I laugh, the tears now having mostly come to a stop. "Listen, I know you're busy so we can talk more about it tomorrow. There was so much — I do want to talk about it more, in-depth."

"Baby, I'm not busy. Just talk to me about it now."

And I do.

**********

thank you for 80k reads ❤️
here's some more fluff to apologize in advance for everything that's gonna happen real soon lolol