Read to Me

Chapter 6- I'm not fragile

Caleb threw me onto my bed and I flopped onto it like a doll, my limbs flailing everywhere. I probably looked like an idiot. I could feel my dirty blond hair trying to cover my eyes, as if I didn’t already have enough trouble seeing as it is. I quickly stood up and moved towards the door, but as I did so I slammed straight into a hard chest and arms went around my shoulders.

‘Oh no you don’t.’ Caleb cheekily said to me. ‘I told you I wouldn’t let you run away from me.’

‘And I told you that I’d still try.’ I replied. I tried to cover up the fact that I had moved from my bed too quickly and had begun to feel really dizzy again.

‘You’re paling again.’ He sighed. Then I was lifted off the ground and put, much more gently, back onto my bed.

‘I’m fine, I just got up too quickly. I’m not dying. Nor am I fragile. You don’t need to act as though you’re handling glass when you’re around me. I can look after myself.’ I huffed in frustration. All of the anger I was bottling up inside me had started to reach toward the surface. Caleb’s arms went around my waist and pulled me towards him so that I was now facing him.

‘Hey.’ He spoke softly. ‘I don’t think you’re glass. I know you can take care of yourself. I just get worried, I know I haven’t known you for very long so it might be strange to feel like that towards you so quickly. But I can’t help it. And I’m sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable.’

‘No, it’s just…’ the words were getting stuck in my throat, not wanting to come out. I took a breath and continued. ‘I’m a little, okay a lot, tired of people treating me like I can’t do anything. Just because my vison is a bit fuzzy. My mum won’t even let me stay by myself for a few hours. I’ve barely left the house since diagnosis. And when I do see people, they tread around me like I’m going to explode any second. Always so careful and stiff. I don’t want careful, I want normalcy. I want people to treat me just like they did before.’ I didn’t even realise that by the end of my little speech I was crying.

Caleb swiftly wiped my tears away with his delicate fingers. I sighed then walked up to my iPod doc and pressed play. I found music to be very relaxing when I needed to calm down. Music started to fill up the room and I sat back onto the bed next to Caleb.

‘I let you in,

You had the chance to break me and you did.

Water got too deep and you couldn’t swim.

Lost at sea awaiting your return.

You couldn’t anchor me down,

I had to anchor myself…’

I closed my eyes and just let the music fill up my head like an ocean. I let it surround me completely, lost in its waves. By now my breathing had gone back to normal.

‘What have we become?

 Lonely and fragile ghosts.

What are you running from?

What are you so afraid of?’

I mumbled along to the lyrics almost forgetting my surroundings. Feeling Caleb’s body heat radiating against me was the only thing holding me onto reality.

‘I like this song.’ He spoke, breaking the silence.

‘Me too. It’s one of my favourites.’ I kept my eyes closed.

I heard him sigh next to me and then he rested his head on my shoulder.

‘I will always be waiting for you.

 I will always be waiting for you, love.

 I will always be waiting for you.

 I will always be waiting for you, love.’ The song faded out and ended.

Somewhere during our conversation the sun had set and the room was being covered in darkness. I leaned over Caleb and switched on the fairy lights I had strung up on my wall above my bed. I know it sounds girly but hey, they look awesome. We sat in silence just listening to the music that played on my iPod. It was a comfortable silence, I liked it. I moved my head to lean on Caleb’s shoulder as he did to mine earlier, he was a comfortable person to lie on.

‘Sorry I got mad at you.’ I finally said.

‘It’s ok. You seem like the type of person that keeps things bottled up and doesn’t open up to people easily. I don’t mind if you need to yell or vent. It’s not healthy to keep everything inside.’ He turned, looking into my eyes and god I wished I could see all his features properly. I wanted to know how his eyes looked when he was happy and sad. I wanted to see them light up with joy. I mentally sighed. What was this boy doing to me?

hello! The song used in this chapter was called Breathing Slow by Former Vandal, it is amazing! I hope you liked the chapter, let me know in the comments if you did.