Hug Me, Hold Me, Love Me | Junhwan

1

These days Jinhwan started questioning himself, are the choices he made until this day correct? He has doubts, everyone does, but he just doesn't show it cause he knew he's the oldest in the group, he must be calm, he must protect his dongseangs. But these days, too many things happened. Yes, it was nice to have a comback, the 2nd time in this year and having tours but it's really stressful at times.

Sometimes Jinhwan had dreams that what if he's just a normal person and not an idol? Dressed in a suit everyday, carry a suitcase and squeezing in the train every morning to go to work in an office. Its nothing special, but he never tried that before and he won't be doing so in the future as well. He's been singing, dancing and practising hard every single day in his life, every day filled with music. He will never regret this path he chose, never.

Then again, it's scary. He was once afraid of getting into rumours, he saw how some useless rumours hurted some idols and some even ruining their career, he's afraid of those, he's afraid that all his hard work in the past 5 or even 10 years will be ruined just because of something like that. He knew he had to face this but he's not sure if he is ready for that yet.

Those hateful comments towards them back in those days hurted him a lot but he keep moving on, giving courage to the team and lucky for them, they are successful now, but still there's a long way to go.

What Jinhwan was afraid now was his feelings for that one particular member in the group, Junhoe. He knew that his feelings for Junhoe are different from what he feels for the others, not brothers, not best friends but it's something called love.

And that is what makes Jinhwan afraid the most, he kept this feeling deep down so that it will not affect both Junhoe and the group but these days the feelings are getting stronger and stronger, he knew he couldn't hold it back anymore. He can't tell Junhoe how he feels, he can't tell anyone, he's afraid that people will find out and the result of that? Hate, more and more hate. It will only ruin the group just because of his stupid feelings.

He knows his fans, iKONICs will be there for him and the group but the world is cruel. If he were to admit his feelings for Junhoe, it might ruin Junhoe's career and even the whole group will be in danger, Junhoe and the rest are too young for this, even Jinhwan himself can't risk this.

So, he tries to forget all these feelings.

"Hyung? Are you alright? You've been staring at the wall for almost half an hour" A voice got Jinhwan back to Earth, its Junhoe.

"Oh it's nothing, I'm just tired" Jinhwan shakes his head and stands up cause it's really hard to speak with Junhoe when he's so tall.

"Jinanhyung ah, its 3am why are you up again?" Junhoe sighs, this is the second time he found Jinhwan still awake in the practice room at this hour.

"And why are you here?" Jinhwan looks at Junhoe and noticed a slight blush on his cheeks, cute.

"Well I want to do well during our live performances so I stayed back to practice" Junhoe scratches his nape a bit. "Uhh hyung were you thing about something just now? Cause I think I heard my name or something"

"Oh great maybe one day he'll find out my feelings when I'm sleeping or something and mumbles how much I love him" Though Jinhwan.

"It's nothing, I don't remember it myself I guess I'm spacing out" Jinhwan just want to change the topic as soon as possible.

"Alright then."

They sat there in silence for a while, it wasn't awkward, its actually quite comforting. Junhoe may be awkward to all the other members but not Jinhwan. They share something beautiful, they like being close to each other, those little touches here and there and sometimes some hugs gives them the strength to continue living on, that's the beauty of their relationship.